


Six Feet of Snow

by scatteringmyashes



Series: Sylvix Week 2019 [3]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Character Death, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Nonbinary My Unit | Byleth, Past Character Death, Plot Twists, Sylvix Week (Fire Emblem), Trans Character, Trans Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2020-12-21 00:14:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 35,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21065552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scatteringmyashes/pseuds/scatteringmyashes
Summary: They call them Demonic Beasts, because they have no brains like beasts and they come from hell.They call them Nabateans, because "two people piloting a monster-punching robot" is too long for headlines.A Pacific Rim AU.****Day Five: Tears





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Day Five! Yay! 
> 
> Definitely look at the tags, but this chapter in fairly light In the angst so you can totes just read this and nothing else at all. 
> 
> Thank you to [Cha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/akhikosanada/pseuds/akhikosanada) again for beta'ing this for me. 
> 
> Recommended Listening: Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen and Snow by Ricky Montgomery

_"Sister will you send me all your strength/  
I'm bringing everyone home"_

# 

Felix was ten when the first beast broke out from beneath the Oghma Mountains. The first one went through the entire Eastern side of the Adrestian Empire. Thousands died. A memorial was made. Felix remembers his father praying in thanks that their family wasn't there, that the creature went south instead of north. 

Nine years ago, the second beast went north.

Felix got lucky. He was visiting Sylvain at the time, spending the summer at his best friend's vacation home. 

Glenn wasn't so lucky. 

Five years ago, Felix and his childhood friends signed up for the academy. There were a number of routes open to them, the academy still establishing what would later become the most successful military collaboration across Fódlan. Research positions, mechanics, support staff — all of them were wide open and much, much safer than being a ranger. It wasn't even certain, at first, if the ranger program could work. A few of the early rangers died. They were considered acceptable losses after a third creature went on a rampage through Grondor Field… and the nearest two cities. 

There was never any question of what Felix would do. It was only a matter of when he got his ranger position. 

And, of course, how long he had to wait for his friends to join him. 

#

_"Demonic Beasts are stupid. They run on pure instinct. Put a big, shiny thing in front of them and they'll go after that. Put a piece of meat over a cliff and they'll jump off willingly. But the issue is finding a piece of meat big enough._

_They call them Demonic Beasts, because they have no brains like beasts and they come from hell. _

_The Nabatean program is the most surefire way to handle these creatures. Unless you want to bomb the living daylights out of every metropolitan area in Fódlan, we need something that can fight up close and personal with these monsters. To fight them, we need to make monsters of our own. _

_They call them Nabateans, because "two people piloting a monster-punching robot" is too long for headlines._

_I kid. They're called Nabateans after the ancient race of god-like beings that could level cities in their sleep. It seemed fitting and it's what happens when your lead researcher has a dual PhD in theology and biochemistry." _

_— Report #33 from Marshall Jeralt Eisner_

#

The thing about the Nabateans was that no single human could pilot them. They tried. A lot. But the neurological load, the literal strain of trying to pilot a mechanical wonder the size of a skyscraper, was too much. But then they — and by they, it was really one madman in a lab coat — figured out that the load could be shared. 

Thus the ranger program took on its final form. Instead of needing one, they needed two. 

They called people who had the capacity to bear half the load "crest bearers." No, Felix didn't exactly know why. Some bullshit about blood type and genes or something — that was the leading theory. What mattered was that only some people could even try to be a ranger. That was the easy part. The hard part was finding someone you could ranger with. 

It was called "drifting." Or being in "the drift." The act of combining your mind, of trusting someone so wholly that you had no barriers between you. The more compatible you were, the better you drifted. The better you drifted, the better you fought. Simple. Easy. Except finding someone drift-compatible was hard as balls.

Felix was first tested with Dimitri, which made sense. Both of them graduated top of their class — Dimitri a year behind due to initial heart concerns — and they had grown up together. Statistically, someone was more likely to be compatible with someone they had shared experiences with since that connection founded a solid, well, connection. 

"Let's call ourselves _White Fang_," Dimitri had suggested as the test was set up, their drivesuits screwed on and the testing environment calibrated. 

"Like some kids? Nah, we need a better name than that." Felix could remember grinning at his friend. "Last one to the drift is a rotten egg." 

It was a disaster. 

"Stay away from me," Felix had shouted, ripping his drivesuit off in chunks and leaving the conn-podd in a rage. He still could barely look at Dimitri without feeling disgusted. 

Ingrid was the next attempt. Again, childhood friends. Shared trauma. It was the drift's wet fucking dream pretty much. Felix refused to even try. He already hated one friend. He wouldn't go through that with another. 

For a time, they tried him with others. Some woman named Mercedes who was kind and had an undercurrent of anger, but not a drive that Felix could match with. Someone brought over from another shatterdome, a man named Caspar who made Felix's ears hurt. Even Catherine, already a legendary ranger, ran with him when her usual partner Shamir was injured. None of them could get to an acceptable level and Felix was _terrified_ that he would be left driftless. 

Then Sylvain finally graduated from his class, hunting just good enough scores to test into the ranger program. Felix stayed up night after night to make sure he passed. 

As soon as he did, Sylvain and Felix applied to test for drift compatibility. 

# 

_"It's like you're dreaming, but with someone else. You can see everything. Every life experience, every emotion, every thought just flows through you. There's no secrets in the drift. It is the closest that two people can get to being one." _

_"And what happens if someone tries to hide something? To be closed off?" _

_"You can't. The drift will fail unless there's 100% transparency. That's what makes it so cool… and so terrifying."_

_"What is it like to fight together?"_

_"You don't even say anything, not when you're good. You want to do something, your partner knows it as soon as you do. Everything is fluid, smooth. And you can have an argument in an instant, but there usually isn't time for even that. You just trust your partner and they trust you. That's half of what the drift is — trust." _

_"Would you ever drift with your mother?" _

__

__

_"Ha, are you kidding? I'd rather drift with a Demonic Beast. There are some things you never want your mother to know — sorry, Mom." _

_— Interview with Nabatean Ranger Claude von Riegan_

#

They named their Nabatean _Crimson Astra_, because Sylvain's original suggestion of _Pussy Destroyer 69_ got denied by command. The _Crimson_ came from Sylvain's favorite color. The _Astra_ was because, well, Felix had always liked the stars. 

They settled in with the Blue Lions, which was the name of the team in the Charon shatterdome. The shatterdome served as house and home for the pilots, their support staff, and everyone else related to the Nabateans. Charon as a city was boring, at least to Felix. Fortunately, he spent most of his time in the shatterdome training for the inevitable next Demonic Beast attack. 

The Charon shatterdome had three Nabateans. _Crimson Astra_, which Felix and Sylvain piloted; _Thunder Arrow_, which was the oldest and piloted by Catherine and Shamir; and _Genesis Moon_, which was piloted by Byleth and Marshall Eisner. The marshall wasn't always at Charon, being one of the leaders of the Fódlan Defense Corps, but that was fine. Privately, Felix thought that Marshall Eisner was a better leader than a fighter.

Another Nabatean was being released so that the marshall could formally retire from active piloting. Genesis Moon would either be fully retired and used for scrap or given to another team. The plan had been in the works for a while, but there weren't any announcements as to the rangers. The good news was that Dimitri and Ingrid were both technically up for consideration. The bad news was that they were almost entirely incompatible. 

"Why do you keep trying? Nothing is going to change," Felix said over lunch. Dimitri wasn't there. Every time he failed another drift attempt, he punished himself by working out in the gym until Byleth or one of the doctors dragged him out. 

"I need to get into a Nabatean. If he would just let me in, I know we could drift. I've known him since we were kids. We were practically siblings." Ingrid alternated between taking a bite out of her potatoes — from a mix, but Dedue was on kitchen duty that week so it still tasted good — and waving her fork around. 

A chunk of potato hit Sylvain in the face. Felix snorted. Ingrid began apologizing but Sylvain just laughed and wiped it off with a finger. He held the finger out to Felix like he was some child. 

"I hate you," Felix said. 

"I love you too," Sylvain replied. He licked the potato off his finger. Ingrid made a face. 

Before she could say anything, a silver-haired young man came over to the group. He waved awkwardly, a tray in his hands. "Hey guys, no Dimitri today?" Ashe asked. 

"He's currently bringing back the art of self-flagellation," Ingrid said with an eye roll. "Don't feel like you need to just stand there — take a seat." 

"Thanks, but I have to eat fast." Ashe slid next to Ingrid. "Who was he testing against today?" Ashe had the decency to pretend that the entire shatterdome wasn't well aware of Ingrid and Dimitri's totally secret but common knowledge attempt to drift that day. 

Underneath the table, Felix felt Sylvain knock their feet together. When Felix didn't react, Sylvain leaned over and rested his head on Felix's shoulder. Felix scowled but didn't say anything, even as a vibrant blush washed over his face. 

Ingrid paused part two of her rant about Dimitri's inability to drift. "That can't be comfortable," she said. 

"It's very comfortable," Sylvain replied. "Felix is a big ol' softy where it matters—" The big ol' softy elbowed him in the stomach. Sylvain wheezed, grinning ear to ear. "Love you too." 

"Oh, you two are so cute together!" Annette sat on the other side of Sylvain. There was a smear of grease on her face. "Goddess, I'm beat. The final push is always the worst." 

"Oh, but you're almost done right? The release is in four months! What do you have left?" Ingrid asked. 

"Everything still needs to be tested, we aren’t sure about the integrity of the metal under extreme cold, and there's this weird glitch that happens when someone tries to fire the plasma cannon after experiencing a loss in altitude—" Annette got cut off by another woman, short hair pushed back with a simple brown headband, sitting next to her. 

"I don't think I can hear another word about the Nabatean, Annie. Can we talk about anything else?" Mercedes asked. She wrapped her arms around Annette. "Dimitri is fine, by the way. Manuela dragged him in right before I left." 

"Good." Ingrid sighed. "I know I'm mad at him, but if he just… didn't act like such an idiot then maybe he could get in a Nabatean." 

"Okay, last question I promise — If it isn't going to be you two, who are going to be the next rangers?" Ashe had a hopeful expression, which was probably unintentional and maybe a bit cruel, but Felix didn't blame him. 

It was a well-known secret that Ashe was the best ranger to never test positive for crest status. For all intents and purposes, Ashe could never be a ranger. That didn't stop him from being amazing in every simulator and the head of training for recruits. 

The table fell quiet. 

"Maybe they'll bring someone from another shatterdome?" Sylvain suggested, not looking Ingrid in the eyes. "Just for the meantime. Doesn't the Varley shatterdome have like, three active Nabateans? And their side of Fódlan is crawling with crest bearers." 

"Yeah, but the Black Eagles are mostly incompetent," Felix drawled. 

"Felix! Don't say that," Mercedes chided. "Last week, Aegis Nebulium fought for three hours solo against Ashnard." 

"Yeah, because Edelgard's co-pilot is sick and Caspar still has a broken arm. My point still stands." 

No one really wanted that to happen, but no one had any other thoughts. Felix knew that they needed another Nabatean, that there was no way command would let the shatterdome stay at their low capacity, but he also didn't want someone new to come in. There just weren’t a lot of people who could get through ranger school, let alone tested positive for crest bearing status and could drift with someone. 

More than anything, it pissed Felix off that Ingrid kept trying to get Dimitri to drift with her. 

"I'm not hungry anymore. I'll see you at training," Felix said. He stood up, knocking Sylvain off of him. He was halfway out the hall before Sylvain could chase after him. "I'm not in the mood," Felix told him. He went towards the elevators. Dimitri was in the infirmary which meant the gym should be clear. 

"Wait, just — talk to me?" Sylvain placed a hand on Felix's arm. Felix tensed and almost took a swing, but he remembered who this was. He relaxed instead, but still didn't look Sylvain in the eyes. "Is it about Dimitri or the Nabatean? You know that it doesn't matter. Whoever we get will be the right people for this. Command doesn't fuck up." 

"The boar is an idiot who's going to get all of us killed." Felix felt so much bubble up in his throat, but he couldn't say any of it. He couldn't do it. "I'm not letting his idiocy and pride get us killed." 

"Hey, I'm not going to die and neither are you." Sylvain took a quick glance around — for Felix's sake, because he had never cared before — and kissed Felix. "I love you." 

Felix grunted. "If you aren't going to eat, train with me then." It came out a little less like a command, more like a scared child's request. Sylvain smiled, soft and small, before throwing an arm over Felix's shoulder. 

"So, I was thinking…" 

Felix groaned, but he let the distraction work. It was better than the alternative. 

#

_"Well, as far as we can tell crest bearers all have one thing in common: they're humans born on this continent. Literally, that is the only trait they all share. Even when controlling for gender, geographical location, and ethnicity, there is nothing that appears to be a crest gene. Or a collection of genes. In fact, it seems like crests are altogether unrelated to a person's biology. _

_For example, when a child is born, you can tell what color their eyes are. Based on the parents and their grandparents, we can actually guess an unborn baby's eye colors with very high success! Of course there are always recessive genes and occasional genetic quirks — but where was I?_

_Yes, crests! Our current testing methodology is able to tell when someone has a crest but not why. It is absolutely fascinating. My latest proposal is that crests are actually even more of a metaphysical concept that we originally thought. A person may be identical twins and yet only one of them bears a crest! It really is fascinating… _

_Oh, what does this mean for the Nabatean program? Well, I'm still running tests, but I propose several new designs to my testing system. If we have been looking for genetic commonalities this entire time, then it is likely that we have overlooked possible ranger candidates._

_ need about 50% more funding and three months, but I guarantee you that I can uncover even more possible candidates than before!" _

_— Budgetary Hearing Testimony from Dr. Hanneman von Estar, Head of the Crest Research and Development Department with the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps _

#

Pillow talk probably wasn't Felix's strong suit, but even he knew that he fucked up when he said, "I don't want Ingrid to be a ranger." He was naked underneath the sheets, so he could feel Sylvain tense around him. The gentle hands rubbing soft circles on his stomach froze. Sylvain's heart beat quickly. 

Felix sighed. "Not — not like that. Just — she could do better." 

"She could do better than be a part of the force that's saving the world?" And when Sylvain put it like that, Felix guessed he did sound like an ass. 

"She's driving herself crazy. She doesn't talk about it, but we both know that not being able to drift with Dimitri is really bothering her." Felix was falling asleep, but the more he thinks about it, the more worked-up he gets. "She could be a trainer, like Ashe. Or a brilliant researcher. She knows more about Demonic Beasts than any of us — and don't tell her I said that." 

"Uh-huh."

"I'm not saying that she can't fight. I'm not an idiot or an asshole. But she — she's just going to end up blaming herself again and again until her own doubt makes her unable to drift, if that hasn't happened already. She and the boar should just accept that they can't drift and do something else. I don't even know why he tries. We'd be better off with him in a hospital and Ingrid in a lab. I—" 

"Felix, stop." And because Felix was hopelessly, endlessly in love, he did. Sylvain cupped the side of Felix's cheek. His hand was warm. "What's going on? Is it one of your nightmares?" 

_The ones you don't talk about, that I only know of because of the drift and that's the only way they make sense. _Sylvain didn't say it, but he didn't have to — Felix knew him far, far too well. 

"It's nothing."

"It's not nothing. You don't say things you don't mean." They both know that wasn't true. 

Sylvain sighed and sat up. He had a few love bites on his collarbone. His uniform — and the stupid bomber jacket that he wore because it impressed the ladies or something — would hide them tomorrow. Felix would still know that they were there and so would Sylvain, every time he moved his neck. 

"Is this about the new tests and stuff they're doing? You know that it's stupid — we both do. They're just trying to make more people interested in the program. Do you really think some random person off the streets is going to be drift-compatible with Ingrid?" Sylvain let out a soft laugh. "If she wasn't compatible with you or me—" 

"I never tested with her." 

That got Sylvain to shut up. "What? But you two had a test scheduled and she said—" 

"I refused. I — fuck." Felix tried to stand, to walk away like he wasn't butt naked in their quarters, but Sylvain tugged him back. "Let go of me." 

"I'm not letting you run away from this. We should talk—"

"And I don't want to talk about it," Felix said, which was about the stupidest thing to come out of his mouth in the last five minutes. He — he does want to talk, but he doesn't know what to say. "It's not important. I'm just — just tired. I told Ingrid not to tell anyone because I knew this would happen." 

"Why didn't you try? It — it wasn't because of me, right?" 

_Oh._ Felix hadn't considered that Sylvain would be scared of that of all things. He shook his head. 

"After drifting with Dimitri…" He didn't say anything else. He didn't have to. "Can we stop talking about it? I'm invoking the Duscur Rule." It was an idea that they had used ever since they were kids. At any point if a conversation got to be too much, they could invoke "the Duscur Rule" and the conversation could get tabled until later. 

Sylvain didn't look happy, but he knew Felix's boundaries and he would never push them like this. "Okay, but don't run off tonight?" 

Every nerve felt like it was on fire, but Felix nodded. He forced himself to relax one muscle at a time. Then he wrapped his arms around Sylvain, pressing his lips to Sylvain's neck. It went unsaid, but they both knew what Felix was thinking. 

"Look at me, Fe?" 

Slowly, Felix raised his head. He should have expected Sylvain to kiss him, but it still caught him off-guard. Sylvain let him squirm around, but, even after the kiss was over, kept their foreheads pressed together. Felix wasn't really trying anyways. 

"You can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?" Sylvain said.

Felix swallowed. "I know." 

"I love you, Fe. And if you want me to talk to Ingrid or Dimitri for you—" 

"You don't have to fight my battles. Especially when you don't agree with them." 

"But your battles are my battles." Sylvain kissed him again. "Okay, we should either go to sleep or prepare for Byleth to chew us out tomorrow during training. I swear, they always know when we're tired." 

Felix snorted. "Probably because your left eyelid starts twitching." 

"I… didn't realize I did that." Sylvain was quiet for a moment as the two settled back under the sheets. It was warm enough in the base that they could get away without wearing clothes. Plus, ever since scaring Ashe for life, their friends knew to knock. "Hey, Fe?" 

"What?" Felix wanted sleep to take him so his brain can — can stop, but Sylvain came first. 

"You know we're going to get through this, right? They're coming up with new ideas about closing the breach all the time. It's not gonna last forever." Sylvain kissed the back of Felix's neck. Usually Felix was the big spoon, but on nights like this he let Sylvain hold him tight. "And then you'll be stuck with me forever." 

"Yeah, what a drag." Felix waited for Sylvain to say something else, but he was soon snoring. It was soothing. Nice. Something Felix had fallen asleep hearing in what felt like hundreds of lifetimes.

Felix didn't sleep. 

#

_“The breach is a five hundred kilometer chasim located in the Oghma Mountain range in central Fódlan. It glows red-orange, most commonly described as the color of fire or lava. However its temperature ranges only between five and fifteen celsius while dormant. Measurements have also been made in relation to its radioactivity among other metrics, but nothing of note has been discovered._

_While it spends the majority of its time dormant, it occasionally becomes active. While active, the breach begins to grow in size and rapidly heats up to anywhere up to fifty celsius. The breach takes several hours to open before a Demonic Beast emerges. These Beasts vary in size, speed, and abilities._

_Interestingly, the breach seems to be immune to conventional weaponry. Both traditional explosive and modern nuclear weapons have been ineffective in attempts to destroy the breach and it does not seem harmed by attempts at blunt, piercing, or slicing damage. Electric shocks are dispelled. Water or liquid methods such as acid or other chemical compounds have no effect._

_As of the present day, the breach is considered absolutely impenetrable and is indestructible by all methods known to mankind.”_

_— Article in “Beyond Fódlan: A Scientific Journal About The World’s Most Unknown Phenomena”_

#

Dimitri and Ingrid both had different reactions to stress. Felix, being their friend for for too long, was familiar with both. 

Dimitri fidgeted. His prim and proper upbringing made him a bit too polite to move too much, but he found a way. Crossing and uncrossing his legs. Tapping his fingers. Clearing his throat. Cracking his knuckles. Bouncing his knee. He sat in his chair so rigid, yet constantly moving. There was a loose thread on his shirt and he kept picking at it. Felix thought he was going to either pull it off or snap and start beating the ground with the chair. Maybe both. 

Ingrid, though, Ingrid was a mover. She crossed one side of the hall to the other time and time again. Her customary ponytail was up so that her hair wouldn't get in the way of the drivesuit — assuming she even got to that part. Her steps started off quick and calculated, but an hour later she was dragging. 

Felix was bored out of his mind but he needed to know how this ended. Sylvain was keeping them all company and trying to distract the two candidates with conversation, but he might as well have been talking to a brick wall. Two brick walls with an exhausted, hasn't slept properly in a week, Felix. 

Yeah, they were just peachy.

An hour of utter torture — what the fuck was this new test? When Felix had been searched for crest status, he had to give a bit of blood, pee into a cup, and then get a weird full body scan with the world's most intimidating airport scanner. All in all, it had taken about ten minutes and _then_ he had to wait a week to get the results back. Dr. Hanneman did say that this new test was more thorough, which was why everyone got a second chance. Felix just didn’t think it would take this long. 

It was why Dedue and Ashe, along with four other trainees that Felix didn't care about, were getting tested again. If one of them was crest positive… well, maybe Ashe would be calm enough to balance Dimitri out. Or close enough with Ingrid for them to drift. Dedue and Ingrid didn't get along very well, but Dimitri and Dedue were practically tied at the hip. 

The door to Dr. Hanneman's lab swung open. 

Ingrid slid to a stop. Dimitri shot to his feet. Sylvain shut up about some TV show. Felix realized he was squeezing Sylvain’s hand. He started to let go, but then Sylvain squeezed back. Felix decided to leave it. 

Ashe, the other candidates, and finally Dedue all walked out. Both Ashe and Dedue were smiling. Felix felt his stomach drop. 

“We both tested positive!” Ashe said. “No one else did…”

“Oh, that’s great though! I can’t believe that it’s taken a whole age to get this new Nabatean rangers.” Ingrid shook her head. “It’s not worth complaining about I guess, but now all I can think about is what would have happened if we had just… tried anyways.”

Felix snorted. “Yeah, good luck trying to drift without a whole prep team and in a conn-pod that isn’t under lock and key.” He nodded at Ashe and Dedue. “Congrats, I guess.”

Dimitri had stars in his eyes. He reached out and linked pinkies with Dedue. “I’ll see you in the drift.” 

Sylvain wrapped his arms around Felix. He rested his head on Felix’s shoulder like they were stupid high schoolers. Felix didn’t make him move. He was too busy trying not to start yelling. Now was not the time to lose his shit, but something about seeing the boar standing there, acting like he should be allowed into a Nabatean — it made Felix’s blood boil. 

Ingrid and Ashe were talking about the next stage, but Felix barely heard her. He knew what would happen. Ashe and Ingrid were close, but would they be able to out-drift Dimitri and Dedue? Felix didn’t even know if he and Sylvain could outdrift them. And if Dimitri and Dedue got into a Nabatean…

No. It wasn’t worth speculating. Maybe the drift would fail. Maybe Dedue would see what Felix had seen and release that it was in everyone’s best interests to keep Dimitri out of combat. 

Maybe the breach would just close one day by itself and the entire PFDC would shut down. 

Dr. Hanneman stuck his head out of his lab. “Molinaro, Ubert. Your drift compatibility test is at 1500. Blaiddyd, you will test with Ubert at 1900. Galatea, your test with Molinaro will be at 2300.”

Ingrid winced. “Doctor, doesn’t that seem really late? Maybe we can just skip to my test with Ashe.” 

Dimitri frowned and opened his mouth. Felix saw the slight shake of Dedue’s head before Dimitri snapped his mouth closed again. Dr. Hanneman was also shaking his head. 

“You know that we have to test everyone, Ms. Galatea. Now, where was I?” Dr. Hanneman scratched his beard. “Oh, right. Galatea, you will test with Ubert tomorrow at 0600. Lastly, Blaiddyd and Molinaro will test tomorrow at 1000. Report promptly at bay 3B. We will be doing the test in the conn-pod for the new Nabatean. Any questions?”

No one said anything. Dr. Hanneman cleared his throat, wished them a good day, and then closed his door. There was a moment while they were all silent. 

“I’m looking forward to drifting with you,” Ashe told Dedue. “It’ll be really cool. I wonder if it’s as weird as everyone says it is?” 

Sylvain waved a hand. “Can confirm, drifting is weird.” He yawned. “So, we pretty much have the rest of the day off. Anyone want to go into town and find something good to eat? Or we can chill at the pool or something. Just anything other than sitting around, please. I’ll even work out at this point.” 

“You, train? Wow, you must be bored,” Ingrid criticized. “I’m going to practice my forms since I don’t have a test until tomorrow.” She walked off before anyone could point out that she had a run with Dedue that night. 

Dimitri sighed. “I’ll talk to her. Don’t listen to her, Dedue—”

“No. It’s all right, Dimitri. I am of Duscur. It is natural that she is distrustful of me." Dedue said it like he was describing the sky. "Ashe, would you be offended if I spoke with Dimitri for a moment? I would like to speak before our test together, but…” Dedue stopped. It was hard for someone of his build to look sheepish, but he did. 

Ashe shook his head. “It’s totally okay! I think I’m going to go for a run or something. I know it feels like we just ran a mile but I’m so energetic, if I sit down I might explode.” He waved to the group before leaving. 

“Dedue, my quarters are closer if you wished to talk there.” Dimitri caught Felix’s eyes. Neither of them said anything. Then Dedue and Dimitri walked off. 

Felix wondered what Dedue had to say. 

"Come on, I'm serious. Let's go do something fun." Sylvain hugged Felix before stepping away. Foolishly, Felix missed his warmth. "What are you in the mood for?" 

_Blood, smoke, everyone dead — everything gone. Nothing around for miles and miles. It hurts. It hurts —_

"Let's spar," Felix suggested, pushing the thoughts out of his head. Those belonged to someone who was dead. 

#

_"There are currently four different ways to test for drift compatibility, each with its own advantages and disadvantages. Of the four, three are used by the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps so these will be the three outlined in detail. _

_The first method is generally regarded as having a low success rate for a relatively high cost, both in terms of resources as well as time. Additionally, very few professionals still believe that crests and drift compatibility have anything to do with genetics, so genetic testing for drift compatibility has largely been relegated to textbooks._

_The second method is also rarely applied as a final standard, but is useful if there are many candidates that must be whittled down within a short timespan. The Standard Drift Ability and Compatibility Statistic — commonly referred to as the SDACS — are six different tests designed to challenge multiple aspects of thought, processing ability, and personality aspects. Designed by Marshall Rhea early in 1180, these tests take anywhere from six to eight hours to complete. However, many candidates can complete it at once and are cheap to administer._

_The tests have a success rate of about 67.3% when accounting for about 3,752 individuals who tested positive (drift compatibility greater than 75%, the standard needed by the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps to attempt to drift in a combat scenario). There was a 33.9% false positive result, which is still lower than the previous method of genetic testing. Of the total tests administered, 82.5% of them were completed during the first fourteen months of the Nabatean program's creation. This can be explained by the infancy of the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps at that time and lack of other options. _

_Overall, those who tested positive and later became Nabatean rangers total less than 20 individuals (or approximately 0.8% of the positive tests resulted in becoming a ranger) but that can be explained by the competitive nature of the ranger program and matches the overall rates with the other testing methods._

_The third method, and what many rangers complete to test for compatibility, is a dual combat and puzzle challenge. This method was coined by Dr. Hanneman, famous for his studies on crests, and is far simpler and shorter than the SDACS. Dr. Hanneman's tests, commonly referred to as the MB2, challenges the two possible rangers first against each other in unarmed combat and then pairs them together to solve a series of puzzles that require cooperation. While being cheap, the MB2 does require more time and resources for testing than the SDACS. Still, most shatterdomes will use the MB2 over the SDACS unless there are a considerable number of candidates. _

_The MB2 has a 71.3% success rate at testing for positive drift compatibility. Out of 8,654 testees in the last 36 months, 54.2% of them were positive for drift compatibility. The false positive result was 30.4% in the initial 24 months of the program, then dropped sharply in the last 12 to a low 12.9% false positive score. This drop can be attributed to fewer people testing for drift compatibility as the standards have been adjusted as well as the test itself undergoing several adjustments (for more detail, see section 10A: The MB2 and MB2.1). _

_Lastly, and what is the most expensive and difficult to run, is to have two individuals drift together in an actual Nabatean. Understandably, this is in many ways ideal. There are no false positives and it also provides real drift experience for two possible rangers. Additionally, as more and more evidence is uncovered that implies that the drift is more of a metaphysical concept than previous scholarship dared suggest, it is highly theorized that there is an intangible force that affects drift compatibility (for more detail, see section 5A: The Drift)._

_Of course, just having two people drift in a real Nabatean is easier said than done. Not only are most Nabateans specific to their rangers, which means that new rangers can only be tested when the new Nabatean is completed, but the process of testing in a real drift situation is also time intensive. A regular Nabatean launch will involve at least 30 support staff, multiple technicians, and the prep to actually set the testing environment. _

_Naturally, there is also a very rare consequence with this method of testing. In around 2% of tests run in a realistic drift environment, one or more of the individuals have ended the test with a marked disintegration of mental facilities. According to research released by the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps, of the 2% of reductions in mental ability about 43.2% recover within 30 days, 26.8% recover within 12 months, and 18.8% recover within 2-3 years, and the remaining 11.2% have never recovered."_

_— Excerpt from "Beyond The Breach: An In-Depth Look Into The Pan Fódlan Defense Corps, Demonic Beasts, and The Drift" _

__

#

Ashe and Dedue did fine. They passed with a respectable 87%, which proved two things. First, they were positive crest bearers. Second, they could actually survive the drift, which was obviously ideal. Third, both Dedue and Ashe got along better than Felix knew. 

Dimitri showed up to his test with Ashe. No one was particularly surprised when the two of them came back and announced that it was a complete failure. 

Ingrid almost didn't show up to her test with Dedue, but that would have been a black mark on her record that nothing could have erased. The two of them still failed miserably, but no one was very surprised. 

Ashe and Ingrid did fine. They got a solid 96% drift. Felix had seen worse. He and Sylvain had achieved 100% on their first run, but not everyone could be perfect.

Felix only showed up to Dimitri and Dedue's drift. Sylvain also came. Felix wasn't sure if it was because he was genuinely interested or if he was worried that Felix would snap or do something stupid. 

Dedue looked a bit ridiculous in a drivesuit that was obviously made for someone smaller. Dimitri had the same drivesuit that he had worn during his test with Felix. 

"Good luck!" Annette, who would be one of the techs working for this trial, cheered them on as they stepped into the conn-pod. "Come on, I can get you two into LOCCENT," she told Sylvain and Felix. Sylvain looked at him and followed along when Felix, without saying anything, trailed behind Annette. 

LOCCENT was busy as a beehive, techs swarming about as they prepped for the final test. Dimitri was a bit infamous, for having either totally boring and failed drifts or exciting and failed drifts. Either way, it was best to be prepared. 

"Hey, stand with us," Catherine called out. The cheery ranger looked almost out of place with her grin. Her companion, Shamir, made up for it with her usual bored expression. Byleth also stood nearby and they nodded at Sylvain and Felix as they approached. "So no one else wants to say it, but these two are supposed to be good together right?" 

"Yes. They are very close. I will be surprised if they cannot drift, though Ingrid and Ashe are certainly the favorites," Byleth said. 

Felix and Dimitri were supposed to be the favorites, the darlings of the Charon shatterdome. Everyone tactfully avoided mentioning that. 

"Is your father coming?" Shamir asked Byleth, who shrugged. 

"Marshall Rhea should be here, but I think she's in the south." Catherine sighed, putting her hands on her hips. "You'd think something like the impending release of the first Mark IV Nabatean would garner her attention." 

Shamir snorted. "You're just sad because you haven't seen her in a few months." 

Catherine shrugged. Shamir was right, so there wasn't much else to say on that matter. 

"So, Felix," Catherine drawled, "you ever gonna share with the class what happened during your drift with Dimitri?" 

Felix curled his hands into fists, nails digging into his skin. "I'd prefer not to talk about that." He jumped when Sylvain placed a hand on his shoulder. "What?" 

"She's just asking." Sylvain dropped his hand. Their fingers brushed together. Felix wasn't too proud to reach out and entwined them. Wisely, no one commented. 

"Rangers are both in the conn-pod ready to initiate the drift!" The head operator, Alois, shouted. Alois was too injured to get back in a Nabatean, but he had been one of the first, and his combat knowledge was massive. He had always been Felix's LOCCENT operator and, despite their differences in personality, Felix could respect him for genuinely caring about the work. 

"Marshall on deck," someone else shouted. The entirety of LOCCENT went to attention as Marshall Eisner strode in. 

He was tall, had a close-cropped haircut, and looked like he hadn't slept in a week. Felix thought that Byleth didn't look much like him except for the eyes — both Eisners had tired eyes. 

"At ease." Marshall Eisner went up to the intercom. "Hello, Dimitri and Dedue. This is Marshall Eisner. I will be overseeing this test. Everything fit right and feel good?" He asked. 

"I am fully prepared." Dimitri's voice was a bit distorted thanks to the audio feed in his suit.

“I am ready as well,” Dedue added. 

“Okay." Marshall Eisner nodded to Alois. 

"Everyone, preparing neural drift test for Dimitri Blaiddyd and Dedue Molinaro in five…" Alois began the countdown. "Four… three…"

Felix was squeezing Sylvain's hand _hard._ If Sylvain was in pain, he didn't show it. 

"Two…" 

Byleth shifted side to side. They watched the nearest monitor with eagle eyes. 

"One!" Alois pressed a button. LOCCENT glowed blue as Dimitri and Dedue entered the drift.

#

_"PAN FÓDLAN DEFENSE CORPS ANNOUNCES NEW NABATEAN TO BE RELEASED IN TWO WEEKS"_

_"The Pan Fódlan Defense Corps has just announced that a new Nabatean, which has been in development for over a year, will be officially released in two weeks. This Nabatean will be the first of the Mark IVs, which are set to replace all of the current Mark IIIs sometime within the next two to three years. _

_There is little detail on the Mark IV yet. According to official press releases, the Mark IV is faster, stronger, and more fuel efficient than the previous models. Additionally, the Mark IV is bigger than the Mark IIIs though smaller than the Mark IIs. Some rumors have stated that the Mark IVs are combining nuclear power with hydrogen, however this has not been confirmed by any authorized PFDC representative._

_Currently there are ten active Nabateans across three shatterdomes. Genesis Moon, which is piloted by Marshall Jeralt Eisner and his child, Byleth Eisner, is supposed to be replaced by the new Nabatean. Genesis Moon is located at the Charon shatterdome alongside Crimson Astra and Thunder Arrow._

_It is unclear if Marshall Eisner is retiring from active duty or there is another reason for the decommissioning of Genesis Moon."_

_— News Article in Faerghus Times _

#

Dimitri and Dedue named their Nabatean _Devoted King._ Mercedes thought it was cute. Ashe thought it was noble. Felix thought it was pretentious. He didn't get an opinion though, kept under close watch by Mercedes and Byleth during the entire celebration. 

It wasn't an official PFDC party because there was too much booze and not enough motivational speeches, which usually Felix was on board with — and usually the parties weren't to celebrate someone getting a Nabatean they didn't deserve. But the only reason Felix was there was because of Sylvain. The idiot had insisted they go and support their fellow rangers. Felix didn't have it in him to explain, again, that he didn't think Dimitri should ever be a ranger. 

Everyone was at the party. Even Marshall Eisner stopped by to give Dimitri and Dedue his congratulations, though he didn't stick around. That was good, because not five minutes later the keg came out. Annette might have been the shortest, but she also out-drunk everyone who dared challenge her. Felix wasn't stupid enough to try. 

After the big party, there was an afterparty in Byleth's quarters. Perks of being a senior ranger? Bigger rooms. And while rangers usually shared with their co-pilot, Marshall Eisner had his own space. It wasn't enough for everyone in the shatterdome, but it was more than enough space for the core of the Lions. 

"I'm so happy for you two!" Annette said. "Take good care of her, okay? She's got all the latest toys so you can't complain about anything." 

"I promise we will take care of her. She will be returned without a scratch," Dedue replied. Annette laughed so hard she almost spilled her drink. 

"I don't care about that," she explained. "Nabateans are supposed to get broken, just don't get yourself broken." 

Dimitri nodded sagely. "We'll protect everyone, but we can only do that thanks to you. I hope you are proud of your work. Even just looking at the conn-pod, I can tell that the quality is better than previous years. And I've certainly seen more Nabateans than the normal ranger." 

Felix snorted. He knew how many failed drifts Dimitri had — they all did. It was not a thing to boast of, seeing many Nabateans up close and personal. Sylvain gave him a kiss. 

"Come on, I want another drink." Sylvain tugged Felix away before Dimitri could come over. 

Instead, Dimitri confronted Felix after the after party. Felix and Sylvain were lingering in the hall, a little ways from Byleth's room but certainly still a while from their own. Dedue flanked Dimitri like a shadow. 

“I know you want to say something.” Dimitri made a face. "You've been eyeing me all night." 

“Are you sure that you want me to say it?” Felix asked. He should be rewarded for his self-control. Sylvain kissed the side of his face, a soft reassurance. He could feel how tense Felix was, how close he was to snapping. To breaking. 

“I think that we’re all a little wound up—” Sylvain got cut off by Dimitri.

“If we are going to be rangers together, if I am supposed to trust you in battle and if you need to trust me, then we need to honest with one another," Dimitri said. He had the gall to look concerned, to act like this was Felix's problem alone. 

Felix wasn't buying it. "Don't look at me like that, boar. My _problem_ with you isn't some simple misunderstanding. I'll say it here and now if that's what you want: I don't think you should be in a Nabatean. I never have and will. You're reckless. Angry. You see things that aren't there and you think that you can just get into a Nabatean and everything will be fine. You—" He didn't have the time to say anything else because Dedue punched him in the nose. 

Staggering back, Felix brought his hands up to protect himself as Dedue tried to throw him to the ground. Felix didn't try to match strength for strength. He weaved around, jabbing at Dedue's back. Dedue was deceptively fast, dodging half the attacks and blocking the rest. Both of them had been drinking, but it clearly was messing with Felix more. 

"Protecting Dimitri like his good guard dog?" Felix taunted, slamming his knee into Dedue's chest. It was like hitting a wall. Dedue barely moved but his eyes narrowed. 

"Stop it!" Sylvain tugged Felix back, stopping him from getting punched again but also sending the two of them tumbling to the floor. "What the fuck? Both of you are acting like teenagers!" 

"Dedue," Dimitri said, stepping between him and Felix. "Are you okay?" 

"He has always been disrespecting you." Dedue cracked his knuckles. "If he won't listen to reason, then maybe someone needs to make him see sense." 

"This isn't the way to do that. You don't need to fight for my honor like I'm some maid in distress." 

"Yeah," Felix drawled. He wiped at his nose. It was bleeding and definitely broken. "Fight me yourself, boar. Or are you afraid that you'll snap and get sent to a hospital where you belong?" 

Dedue actually stepped forward, but Dimitri held a hand out. The two shared a look. Because Felix didn't have a single ounce of self-preservation, he had to say,

"We both know what's in your head, Dimitri. Do you think Dedue still cares for you after seeing that?" 

"I love him," Dedue spat. "I respect him the way you should. You are the one who is not clear for service." 

"Hello?" It was Shamir, her voice coming from around the corner. The four of them all exchanged looks, but no one said anything. Shamir was hit or miss with most rules, but fighting in the halls? That was recruit shit. She'd crucify them. 

"Come on," Sylvain yanked Felix to his feet and started hauling him away. They rounded a corner and it was like all the fight just drained from Felix's body. He fell to the ground, limp, his legs crumpled underneath himself. "You're an idiot sometimes." 

"Only sometimes?" Felix drawled. He tilted his head up to try to stem his bleeding nose. "Do you think it's broken?" 

Sylvain snorted. "Dedue punched you. If it isn't broken, that'll be a miracle. We gotta get you to the infirmary." Neither of them moved. 

Down the hall, Felix could hear Dimitri and Dedue run the other way. For a moment, Felix was upset at Sylvain for dragging him out of the fight, Shamir or not. Then the pragmatic part remembered that, well, he would be useless if he got kicked out of the rangers for infighting of all things. He was a bit surprised at himself, honestly. In all his time, he couldn't remember actually getting into a fight with Dedue of all people. Dimitri sometimes. Verbally with Ingrid frequently. But Dedue tended to be the restrained one. 

_Probably because he could punch out a Demonic Beast,_ Felix thought. As his adrenaline wore off, he realized how sore he was. Not just his head, but his entire body. The fight couldn't have been more than a handful of seconds, but Felix felt like he had been in a Nabatean for an hour. 

"What happened when you drifted with Dimitri?" Sylvain asked. 

And that was the problem. Felix never knew how to explain it without sounding crazy. Maybe he was and Dimitri was the sane one and Felix should get locked up. Maybe he was the one hurting everyone around him. It would figure. He never could do anything right when he was a kid.

"He's not — he's not _well_. He shouldn't get into a Nabatean. He's going to get all of us killed. He's going to — I can't let that happen," Felix said. He tried looking at Sylvain, but it hurt his head to have his nose angled that way. 

Thankfully Sylvain realized that was the case and he sat next to Felix. The two of them sat there for a long time. 

"I love you," Sylvain said. "Do you remember our promise?" 

"Of course." _I promise not to die before you._ It had happened the day after the Demonic Beast tore through Faerghus and killed thousands. When Glenn was dead and Dimitri was supposed to be dead and everyone was in shock. 

That was the day Felix had kissed Sylvain. Maybe it was perverse, their anniversary being the day so many died, but Felix liked to think that it was a sign of hope. Even after so much less, there could still be more. 

Or maybe he was insane and cold and a heartless bastard like everyone wanted him to be. 

"I — I still mean that." Sylvain was crying. Felix stared, pain be damned. They were small tears, but tears nonetheless. "But all the time you talk about death and fighting and it — it scares me, Fe. It scares me because I don't know if _you_ see this ending with both of us getting out of this alive, but I have to believe that. There has to be something after this. And if that means making Dimitri the fucking next marshall and Dedue his personal secretary, then that's what has to happen. You can't become some harbinger of doom just because Dimitri _might_ be a shitty ranger."

"Sylvain—" Felix reached out to cup his face, but Felix's hands were stained red. His hand fell to the floor. "I love you too, you idiot. Of course I want to get out of this alive. I — I don't want anything stopping that from happening. I won't let anything stop that. Do you get it?" 

"I do, but you can't fight the world. You have to trust other people." 

"I trust you." 

Sylvain gave him a smile. The tears were leaving tracks on his face. "I know you do. I—" He laughed. "I was going to be really romantic about it, but I guess now is as good a time as any." 

Felix watched, perplexed, as Sylvain moved so he was in front of Felix. Ignoring the blood, Sylvain grabbed Felix's hands and looked him in the eyes. Felix blinked rapidly. When had he started crying so much? When had he started breathing so heavily? When did his heart begin beating so quickly? 

"I love you, Felix. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I've known this since we were boys and I knew it when we started drifting and I know that you knew this was coming, because you can't keep secrets in the rift. It's no secret how much I love you. But I want to show the world, too, and I want to make this promise so that everyone else knows that there's only one person in my heart." 

"Yes," Felix said. 

Sylvain laughed. "Let me get the ring out first!" He reached into his jacket pocket — and of course it was in there, of course Sylvain was walking around with it like some goddamn romantic hero — and pulled out a small box. And in that box was a ring that slid nicely over the third finger on Felix's left hand. 

And they were both crying. 

#

_"Now I've heard there was a secret chord_  
_That David played, and it pleased the Lord_  
_But you don't really care for music, do you?_  
_It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth_  
_The minor fall, the major lift_  
_The baffled king composing Hallelujah"_


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your reminder to heed the warnings! 
> 
> Things are significantly darker from here on out, but I promise the ending is hopeful... and maybe happy, if you tilt your head a bit.
> 
> There's a sex scene, but it's not really explicit enough for me to bump the rating up. About on par with anything you'd see on Netflix tbh, but just a heads up.
> 
> Thank you to the amazing [Cha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/akhikosanada) for helping me beta this.

It was a simple ceremony. 

Sylvain didn't really want many people there — their lives were filled with enough media, and as an adult he needed far less attention as long as Felix was still looking at him — and Felix thought a ceremony was stupid. But they still had one, because even Felix could only say  _ fuck tradition _ so much before the slightest sliver of a romantic inclination hit him. 

Rodrigue wasn't invited. They cited security needs, since it was happening on base, but really neither Felix nor Sylvain wanted him there. 

Felix barely wanted to participate in the planning, but Ingrid made him. 

_ We're in the middle of a war _ , he said as he picked flowers. 

_ There's rationing _ , he argued when Mercedes offered to bake a cake. 

_ I am never going to wear this again, _ he complained when Ingrid dragged him suit shopping. 

"We'll bury you in it," Ingrid joked. "Sylvain's going to love it." 

Felix looked into the mirror. He saw a tired, worn-out man with stress in his eyes and dark circles that make his face look gaunt. He was handsome, once. At least, he thinks he was, back when he was a teenager. Before. Now he felt old. 

He blinked. He flattened the front of the suit, though there were no wrinkles to be seen. 

"You think?" He asked softly.

"I know." 

The ceremony took place on a Wednesday, because there were no other events planned so the rec room in was free. They decorated a bit. Colored streamers, cheap flowers — Felix always did love sunflowers and Sylvain was apt to forget-me-nots, and no one cared that they clashed since the contrast brought out the best in both — and a handful of glitter courtesy of Annette was all they needed. 

Dedue and Mercedes baked a cake. They ate a few extra MREs as the reception meal and music was played on the shitty rec room speakers. It was just their closest friends. Ingrid served as Sylvain's best woman and Ashe was Felix's best man. Dimitri and Dedue were invited and showed up, though Dedue didn't even try talking to Felix and Dimitri kept it to a simple  _ congratulations _ . 

"Thank you," Felix replied. And that was that. 

Embarrassingly, Byleth officiated. Even worse, Sylvain cried during his vows. 

The most mortifying fact was that Felix did too.

"I promise not to die before you. That was our first vow and it's the start of my vows, because that's the most important thing I want you to know. Well, that and I love you," Sylvain said. "I promise to always watch out for you, to always have your left side. I promise to never leave you and to never go where you can't follow. I promise to love you and your stupid jokes forever. I promise that I will wipe your tears and kiss your injuries — and other places," he added with an eyebrow waggle. Ingrid groaned.

"Save that for the honeymoon!" Ashe cajoled. Sylvain winked at Felix, who groaned. 

"I have a systems test to run in an hour, can we please not?" Annette asked. Sylvain seemed to remember they were in a military bases rec room, not some fancy cathedral. 

"You're the love of my life, Fe," he said. "And when this is all over, we're going to have the best wedding Fódlan has ever seen. But for now, we're going to have the best marriage ever seen. I love you and I — I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." 

His hands shook when he slipped the ring — a simple gold band with their initials engraved on the inside — onto Felix's finger. It took several tries to get it right, but mostly because Felix wasn't exactly helping either. He always felt a bit like an idiot when he cried. 

Felix's own vows started a bit different. And, like most had expected, he had a lot to say. "You're an idiot," he started with. "You're lazy. You're picky. You don't like to argue with people so you just tell them what they want to hear so they'll shut up. You're an unstoppable flirt and you're probably the horniest man I know, and I met Claude last year. You have a hatred of chores unless there's clutter, in which case you will not get off  _ my _ case until it's cleaned. You don't like to talk about your feelings, then you make me talk about mine as if you're not also bottling everything up.

"And I — I love you. The way that you frown when you're upset, the way that you huff when you're annoyed, the way your eye twitches when you're tired — but also the way you care so much for others that you'll run yourself into the ground for them, or the way that you're actually the smartest person in any room you're in, or how you put up with me every day of your life. I — I love your smile and your laugh and the inordinate amount of time you spend on your hair." Felix swallowed. He could barely see past his own tears, but there were definitely tracks running down Sylvain's face too. "I promise not to die before you. I love you. In this life and in every life. It's you. It's always you." 

Mercedes was crying. Ingrid was too, but she was using Mercedes's handkerchief so it wasn't as obvious. 

"By the power vested in me as an official officer of the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps, I now pronounce you married. You may now—" Byleth chuffed when Sylvain grabbed Felix by the lapels of his suit and kissed him. 

Felix let himself go, let himself not worry about appearances or defense and just… kissed. Sylvain dipped him and someone catcalled and Felix didn't even flip anyone off. 

It was a simple ceremony, but it was a good one. It was, Felix later realized, the beginning of the end. 

#

_ "TRAGEDY STRIKES CHARON SHATTERDOME — MARSHALL EISNER KILLED EARLY THIS MORNING _

_Citizens and service members alike were stunned this morning when a Category Four Demonic Beast, codename Thales, attacked Faerghus's southern border. The creature was the largest seen to date and rampaged through southern Faerghus at about 4:40 AM. The Demonic Beast was intercepted by a three team drop of Crimson Astra, Thunder Arrow, and Genesis Moon_._ The newest Nabatean, Devoted King, was sent to intercept a fire that had started along the border. What was supposed to be a routine mission turned tragedy when the Demonic Beast pierced Genesis Moon's_ _hull and caused an electrical fire to start in the center of her chassis. _

_ While Crimson Astra and Thunder Arrow were able to complete the fight with minor injuries, both pilots of Genesis Moon were injured. By the time a rescue team was able to extract them, both Marshall Jeralt Eisner and his child, Byleth Eisner, were unconscious. According to a press release by the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps, Marshall Eisner was announced dead on arrival back at the Charon Shatterdome. Currently there is no word as to Byleth Eisner's condition, though officials in the Defense Corps have stated that they are still alive.  _

_ According to inside sources, Devoted King was not recalled from their mission until after the Demonic Beast was already defeated. However, no official at the Defense Corps will confirm or deny that claim.  _

_ Many will remember that this loss hits just weeks after Marshall Eisner announced his impending retirement from active duty and switch into a full time command position. It is unclear what this means for the leadership of the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps.  _

_ Felix Fraldarius and his co-pilot, Sylvain Gautier, were unavailable for comment nor were Shamir Nevrand and her co-pilot Catherine Charon. The four were confirmed alive after the fight." _

_ — Front Page Article in Fhirdiad Times  _

#

"Hey, do you want to come with me and Mercedes?" Sylvain asked, popping his head into their room. Felix, who was taking advantage of bed rest orders, looked up from his book. "We're going to see Byleth." 

"Are they allowed visitors?" Felix was already standing. 

"Well, not really, but Mercedes said she can get us in and I wanted to make sure they're doing okay. After…" Sylvain shrugged. "I convinced Ashe to smuggle me some of those weird fish shaped cookies out of the kitchen. Hopefully they have an appetite." 

"Hopefully they can eat solid food," Felix replied, but he was lacing his boots up and throwing on a jacket. The base might have been heated, but nothing could keep it warm in a Faerghus winter. 

Sylvain kissed him before they walked out the door. Felix was selfish enough to savor it. 

"Love you."

"I know." Felix rolled his eyes even as he punctuated his words with a kiss to Sylvain's cheek. "Come on, let's see Byleth." 

Mercedes was waiting outside of the ICU. Byleth hadn't been moved since the fight, which was a week ago. Felix had tried getting in before, but no one except the medically trained and the incredibly important were allowed. Apparently, Mercedes was able and willing to bend the rules, which wasn't too surprising. Felix always had pegged her as more of a troublemaker than she let on.

"They're awake, but very weak still. You only have a few minutes," Mercedes explained. 

"Thank you, Mercedes." Sylvain gave her a smile. "You doing okay?"

She nodded before gesturing for the two of them to go inside. "We can catch up later. Byleth's expecting you." 

Felix wasn't sure what he was anticipating, but it was disconcerting to see Byleth lying in a hospital bed, more tubes and needles in their skin than Felix had ever seen before. Their eyes were dull and their skin had a yellow hue that wasn't just from the flickering fluorescent bulbs above their head. Even their hair, which had been dyed forest green, had been washed out into a pale mint. 

They weren't a particularly tall or muscular person to begin with, but in that moment they seemed small. 

"Hey, Byleth," Sylvain said, sliding over with a grin. There was already a chair there that he sat in. Felix remained standing a few feet behind him. "We thought you could use a friendly face." 

Byleth never was really emotional, but the dead look on their face sent shivers up Felix's spine.

"Thank you," they said. A moment passed before they gestured to the side of the bed. "Help me sit up." 

It took Sylvain a moment, but he found the bed's controls and soon Byleth was mostly upright. Felix just watched. His throat felt dry. He was a bit scared of what he would say if he opened his mouth. 

"Are you able to eat real food?" Sylvain asked. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a plastic bag. True to his word, there were a few fish-shaped cookies inside. They had bits of seaweed in them and they were more salty than sweet, so maybe they could be called crackers, but they got served as dessert so… who knew? "Ashe got these for you." 

"He actually stole from the kitchen?" Byleth said. They reached for the bag and winced. Sylvain frowned, setting the cookies on their bedside table. 

"Maybe you should rest…" 

"This was your idea in the first place," Felix pointed out. "If they want us gone, they can tell us. Otherwise, I'm not going to be another person to treat them like glass." He crossed his arms and stared at Byleth. They stared back. "I'm sorry about your father. He deserved better." 

For a moment, Byleth didn't speak. "Thank you," they said slowly. 

"I'm sorry we couldn't say hi at the funeral," Sylvain added. 

The funeral had been a big affair. Lots of press, lots of big shots. Marshall Rhea was there along with Marshall Seteth. Byleth had been in a wheelchair the whole time — literally, they couldn't walk with a fractured spine — so Dimitri and Dedue had been tasked with wheeling them around. Sylvain and Felix had gone in their best dress uniforms, but they also were still shaky enough that they had pretty much stood there for the ceremony and then left. Felix couldn't even imagine how exhausted it must have been for Byleth. 

"I did not have the chance to speak with most people," Byleth said. They look at Sylvain, then at Felix. "I appreciate the company. How are Catherine and Shamir?" 

"They're fine. Better than us — their rest duty got lifted a few days ago." Sylvain scratched his neck. "Though I don't envy them. They've gotta work with  _ Aegis Nebulium _ ." 

"I thought you liked Ferdinand." It might have been a question, but Byleth was not known for their vocal inflection. 

"I do, it's Vestra that creeps me out. I wouldn't want to drift with that guy." 

Felix snorted. "Hubert's a competent ranger and Ferdinand is able to get him into a Nabatean. I don't care if Hubert dresses like a vampire." 

"Well, you might not, but some of us do." Sylvain looked back at Byleth. "But, um, Catherine and Shamir are good. The shatterdome's good. It's weird not having you around." 

"I hope to recover as quickly as possible." Byleth paused. "Sylvain, is it all right if I speak with Felix for a moment?' 

There was a brief look of confusion on Sylvain's face before he replaced it with a casual neutrality. He shrugged and stood. "No worries. I'll visit more often," he told Byleth. "Don't have too much fun without me." He kissed Felix on the cheek. Felix didn't smile at him, but his glared softened and that was close enough. 

When Sylvain left, the only sound in the room was that of Byleth's heart rate monitor. The two rangers looked at one another with equally neutral expressions. Felix felt — not uncertain, but hesitant at least. He didn't want to make a wrong move, but he didn't like leaving things up to chance either. Lady Luck, he had long since learnt, was a raging bitch. 

"This is not anyone's fault but my own," Byleth said, and how fucked up was it that Byleth had to be the one reassuring Felix of that. "My father and I knew the risk. Every time we get into a Nabatean, we knew." 

"I should have been faster. I should have been better. I could have stopped this." Felix scoffed. He sat in the chair vacated by Sylvain. It was still warm. "Your father died because of incompetence and complacency. There's no reason Dimitri and Dedue should have been off stopping a fire with an active Beast." 

"The fire would have spread to a nearby town. Over three thousand residents were at risk. They stopped it." 

"Your father died." 

"He knew the risk." The two of them met eyes once more. Really, neither of them were any good with eye contact, but it was times like these that Felix forced himself to get over it. He didn't want to misunderstand anything. "We both knew that this could happen." Byleth wasn't talking about themself and Jeralt. 

Felix swallowed. "It shouldn't. All of this — it's supposed to be so that no one dies. That we all get out of this alive. We've already failed." 

"... My father was always supposed to die, I think." Byleth looked away. Their heart monitor was a bit louder, a bit faster. "I don't know how I know that, but I think… he expected this to happen." 

The thing was, Felix understood because it was the same feeling he got every time he suited up. He shouldn't be alive. He shouldn't be doing all of this. He could remember each of his mistakes, had them seared into his memory in the form of nightmares that Sylvain thankfully couldn't understand, and yet he still stood there. Felix thought that Byleth knew better than they were letting on. 

He cleared his throat. "It isn't fair. We shouldn't be compromising on who lives and who dies." 

"If it's a decision between everyone and him, he would want it to be him," Byleth argued. They sighed. They held a hand up. Their palm was almost entirely wrapped in bandages, but Felix could still make out faint burn scars and rashes. Each mark was located along where the drivesuit latched into a ranger's skin. "The doctors think I cannot hear them, but I know what they say." 

Felix's blood ran cold. "What are they saying?" 

"They think if I step inside a Nabatean again, I will die from the stress it will place on my body." Byleth put their hand down and looked Felix in the eyes. "I am sorry, but I must rely on you now. I cannot help this time." 

Somehow, it almost made Felix giddy. Byleth wouldn't be able to pilot, but that meant that they would be out of the way now. It was a tragedy and a motherfucking miracle all wrapped together. 

"I can do it."

"No one else dies," Byleth said. 

Felix thought of Ingrid, training for a Nabatean that would never come. Of Ashe, helping cadets to do a job he was perfectly qualified for. Of Annette and Mercedes, who stayed off the frontlines but gave just as much as the rest of them. 

Yes, even of Dimitri and Dedue, two idiots who thought the world of each other and proved deadly in a fight and were, even if Felix hated to admit it, damn good pilots. Felix didn't trust Dimitri and he thought that Dedue had a Dimitri-shaped blindspot, but at least when they were in a Nabatean together they didn't lose control. They had done what was ordered of them, which was to stop a fire, and it wasn't their fault that they had been too far to save Jeralt. 

He thought of Sylvain, who clutched Felix tight the night after. Their injuries made it difficult, but they fell asleep in each other's arms. Felix didn't count himself as romantic or sentimental, but he also would never begrudge Sylvain that. 

Felix loved Sylvain and Sylvain loved him. That was never a question. And Felix would do anything, suffer through anything, to keep him safe. 

"No one else dies," Felix promised. 

# 

_ “Physical Therapy Session #6 with F. Fraldarius _

_ Summary: Fraldarius engaged in a two hour long session focused on regaining his full dexterity and strength in his lower body, specifically his legs. This is the sixth session, with dedicated sessions taking place twice a week. Between sessions, Fraldarius has been approved for light physical activity. However, he is still encouraged to partake in plenty of rest and is forbidden from piloting or strenuous physical activity.  _

_ Overall, Fraldarius has taken great steps forward and is very much improved. However, it is clear that he is straining himself further than is suggested. Hopefully he will recover within the next few weeks to return to active duty, however it will not be achievable if he continues to push himself as much as he is currently doing.  _

_ My recommendation is for Fraldarius to be monitored and his training limited to no more than an hour a day, along with no lifting above five kilos, nor running further than a mile.” _

_ — Physical therapy report of Felix Fraldarius, a month after the fight against Thales _

_ "Physical Therapy Session #6 with S. Gautier _

_ Summary: Gautier engaged in a two hour long session focused on recovering mobility in the left side of his body, specifically his arm and shoulder movements (see earlier diagnostic testing). This is the sixth session, with dedicated sessions taking place twice a week. Between sessions, Gautier has been approved for light physical activity. However, he is still encouraged to partake in plenty of rest and is forbidden from piloting or strenuous physical activity. _

_ Overall, Gautier has been obeying his recommendations surprisingly well, though it is suggested that he maintain a strict diet as to avoid unnecessary weight gain while on a modified exercise schedule. Other than that, I have no further recommendations. At the current progression, he is expected to return to full duty within two weeks.  _

_ My current recommendation is for Gautier to be allowed to push himself further in training, though he is to lift no more than ten kilos and run no more than three miles a day."  _

_ — Physical therapy report of Sylvain Gautier, a month after the fight against Thales _

#

The alarm blared throughout the Charon Shatterdome. "Demonic Beast alert! Demonic Beast alert!" 

Felix woke up at the same time Sylvain did. They exchanged a kiss before they each began to get ready, throwing on real clothes and washing the sleep from their faces. At this point in their careers, they didn't need to speak. Felix had survived a half dozen drops already, all of them with Sylvain by his side. This was automatic. 

The two were a well-oiled machine even out of a Nabatean, and nothing would get in their way. 

They walked into the conn-pod ready area with their pinkies wrapped together, which was about as affectionate as they got. Annette, who was one of the technicians to help them suit up, gave them a warm smile before she was all business. 

"All right, let's get this going! This Demonic Beast isn't going to wait for us," she shouted. 

Felix set the majority of his clothes to one side. When he piloted, he really just wore a skintight black bodysuit and then the drivesuit on top of it. The white suit was made up of as much nanotech that humanity could put into a single object and was entirely designed to connect him with his Nabatean. Since  _ Crimson Astra _ was his Nabatean, his drivesuit was custom built, just like Sylvain's was built for him. 

The drivesuit would connect to harnesses that were suspended in the center of the conn-pod. The harnesses transmitted movements that the rangers made to the controls of the Nabatean, though in an older Nabatean like  _ Crimson Astra _ there was also a sensor on the arm each ranger controlled, which was how delicate finger motion and grip strength was calculated. It was really a miracle of modern technology, and Felix would be lying if he said he knew how everything worked. 

Before they put their helmets on, they had one last ritual. 

"Love you," Sylvain said, kissing Felix. 

"Yeah, yeah. Love you, too." Felix rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. 

"And I love both of you, but please step into the conn-pod so we can finish plugging you in," Annette cajolled. Felix nodded, all last wisps of distraction shed in a moment. 

He grabbed his helmet from a nearby tech and walked into the conn-pod, which was literally the head of  _ Crimson Astra. _ It felt a bit like walking into his home.

While  _ Astra _ was technically an older Nabatean, she was still perfect in every way. Relatively fast but also bulky enough to take some hits. Multiple repairs and upgrades later, she was better than new. Thales had done a lot of damage, but that wasn't an issue now. The techs were damn good at their jobs. 

The conn-pod specifically had a multi-hologram display so they could see all the information on their Nabatean while also looking a Demonic Beast in the eyes. The head was the most vulnerable part, having to be open enough so they wouldn't get baked alive due to the heat the engines put out while also strong enough to withstand some danger. Maybe it would be safer if they were on tools only, if they didn't have a reinforced plexiglass substitute as the visor, but then they wouldn't be able to see as well. Felix loved the thrill of seeing a Demonic Beast dead due to his actions. 

He didn't think about that too hard. 

"Demonic Beast is a category four, codename Lonato. Big thing, coming right at us," Alois explained from LOCCENT. His voice was mic'd into the helmets everyone wore — all the pilots were connected for ease of access. " _ Crimson Astra  _ and  _ Thunderstrike Arrow _ take point.  _ Devoted King _ , your job is to protect their backs. Use you best judgement. This is only your second drop, so listen to your teammates." 

"Don't die," Felix snarled as he started going through diagnostics for  _ Crimson Astra _ . "I am ready for calibration." 

"Ready for calibration," Sylvain echoed. "Hey, Felix, you know how you asked me about my dream the other night—" 

"General Eisner on deck," Alois interrupted. 

"Good morning." Byleth's voice was always soothing over the mics. It was enough that Felix almost forgot that this was the first attack since Jeralt's death. "Everyone, I'm sure you're very aware of the attention we currently have from the news due to recent events. Let's show them that we are still humanity's best hope." 

"Hell yeah!" Sylvain shouted. 

"We'll kick some ass for you, Byleth," Catherine promised. "Shamir, I am ready for the drift." 

"We are also ready," Dimitri said. 

Alois pushed a button on his end and the conn-pod began to glow blue. " _ Crimson Astra _ , initiating the drift first. In ten… nine… eight…"

"See you on the other side," Sylvain said with a grin. His bangs were pushed out of his face and the plexiglass made his eyes faintly green. "Hey, Catherine! Last one to the Demonic Beast buys drinks tonight, got it?" 

"Oh, you're so on," she replied. 

"Two… one!" 

The drift, Felix had long since learnt, was not peace like some rangers described it as. It was not just a river of memories. It was an avalanche and one had to ski down its surface hoping not to die, not to crumble under the weight of what felt like an eternity. Felix had concluded, early on in his ranger career, that he was not the kind of person who could just casually drift past memories. He was easily distracted, wanted to latch on.

It was Sylvain who helped dig him out, who provided a warm light and presence in Felix's mind. Sylvain kept the course and, in exchange, Felix provided the kick that they needed to really push themselves past any other rangers. 

"Drift steady at one hundred percent.  _ Crimson Astra _ , begin your deployment.  _ Thunderstrike Arrow _ , prepare for the drift." Alois began counting down with the next Nabatean. In a pinch, Nabatean pilots could kick themselves into the drift, but that was riskier and could cause issues synching up, which was why LOCCENT helped. 

Besides, while Felix and Sylvain had been piloting for a while with other teams, they originally ran solo. They would be fine with a head start. 

The Nabateans eventually were all airlifted out of the Charon Shatterdome towards the mountain range where the Demonic Beast, Lonato, rampaged through the forest. Getting dropped in the middle of the forest, close enough that it was just a quick few paces to Lonato but not close enough that the helicopters got eaten, was a tricky task that was made all the more difficult by the blood pumping in Felix's ears. He could barely help call out his position to the helicopters, every muscle wound tense in a way that was painfully reminiscent of his first drop. That had been against a category one, a Demonic Beast the size of a particularly large townhouse. 

Lonato, a category four, was easily a skyscraper tall and long as a football field. It was hard to miss, tearing down trees as it headed towards civilization.  _ Thunderstrike Arrow _ and  _ Devoted King _ were a few minutes behind, but they didn't have a few minutes to wait. 

"Engaging the Beast," Sylvain called. "Let's kick its ass, Fe!" 

They strode forward, the power of their Nabatean coursing through their veins. Lonato was an ugly thing, a bit crab-like with pincers and a shell, but also a long tail like a scorpion. It had eight beady eyes, but each was the size of a hubcap. It looked away from a tree that it was eating as  _ Crimson Astra _ entered its presence. They held out a hand, cocking their fingers back. 

The Beast roared, a deep baritone that Felix heard even through the muffled hull of the conn-pod. It charged towards them on six legs, blue slime oozing from its mouth. They braced themselves, catching the entire weight of the beast and spinning to throw it aside. 

The creature's tail lashed out as it flew, catching  _ Crimson Astra _ in the back and causing them to buckle onto one knee. Felix grit his teeth and held out his right hand. 

"Engaging sword!" He shouted for LOCCENT'S sake.  _ Crimson Astra's  _ right arm opened up and a titanium alloy blade extended out. The entire piece of metal glowed as it started to heat up — Demonic Beast blood was acidic and poisoned the ground, so whenever possible they tried to cauterize the wounds they inflicted. It didn't always work. 

Lonato shook its head before charging  _ Crimson Astra _ again. This time, rather than catching it, they sliced. The blade cut into Lonato's hard shell, but didn't pierce deep enough to kill it. The Beast retaliated by stabbing their torso with one of its pincers. It had no problem cutting through titanium and steel, the jagged edge twisting through wires. Sparks flew through the air, lighting a few nearby trees on fire. 

Felix and Sylvain both gasped in pain. Felix tasted blood in his mouth. 

"LOCCENT, it's got some kind of armor that we can't cut through," Sylvain shouted. They both swung the sword again, but their arm got trapped by Lonato's other claw. It roared in their face, that maw opening wide as its tail swung around and glanced off of  _ Crimson Astra's  _ back. 

"We've got you,  _ Astra _ !" Catherine cried out. A jet of light — plasma cannon blast, Felix noted with whatever part of his brain wasn't occupied with the Demonic Beast — slammed into Lonato's back. It screamed in rage and spun around, tossing  _ Crimson Astra  _ aside like a piece of toilet paper. 

"We're on our way as well," Dimitri advised. 

" _ Astra _ , be careful. Your coolant is leaking and your oxygen is at half," Alois warned them. 

They shook their head and stood in time to see  _ Thunderstrike  _ send another blast at Lonato. This one pinged off of its shell, flying somewhere in the distance. Then Lonato was on top of the Nabatean.  _ Astra _ moved as quickly as they could, but they were slowed by the damage they had taken.  _ Thunderstrike _ was a tough Nabatean, but they were built for distance and could only punch and kick as Lonato tore at their chest and torso. 

They got a good swipe in, managing to dissuade Lonato for a solid ten seconds, until it's tail swung around and went right through their left leg. 

"We're crippled," Shamir said immediately. 

"Here!" Dimitri announced.  _ Astra _ saw, out of the corner of their vision,  _ Devoted King _ appear with the ridiculous grey-silver-blue point job. For fuck's sake, the Nabatean even had  _ horns _ on her head as if she were modeled after a bull. 

But even Felix had to admit that it was effective and damn impressive to see  _ King  _ just run through the trees, splinters flying, and tackle Lonato away from  _ Thunderstrike. _ As  _ King _ started to pummel the Beast,  _ Astra _ ran over to  _ Thunderstrike _ . It was clear that she was in bad shape, her leg almost completely severed, but she'd still be good to fight. 

"Catherine, Shamir, talk to me. Are you okay to keep fighting?" Byleth asked. 

"Yeah, we're good. We aren't leaving you guys behind." Catherine laughed. "Let you four have all the fun? Not happening."  _ Thunderstrike _ loaded another plasma beam as  _ Astra _ took point, following the path of destruction that was left behind by Lonato's fight with  _ King _ . 

It wasn't hard. For every hit that  _ King _ landed, Demonic Beast blood seeping into the ground, Lonato gave as good as it got. When  _ Astra _ and  _ Thunderstrike _ were in visual range, there wasn't time to think. Maybe it was Felix, maybe it was Sylvain, but both of them ran forward with their sword at the ready. 

_ Thunderstrike  _ sent another blast at Lonato, distracting it as it grappled  _ King _ . That left an opening for  _ Astra _ to slice at the joint where the left pincer met its shell. A terrible howl of pain echoed for miles as the Beast's arm lay severed on the ground, still twitching. 

_ King _ instantly disengaged, pushing Lonato back and picking up the pincer. Twirling it like some demented lance, they then charged Lonato. The Demonic Beast moved with frightening dexterity, dodging the stab and going around  _ King's _ other side, just out of  _ Astra's _ reach. It launched itself at  _ Thunderstrike _ , waving its remaining pincer as its tail flailed madly about. 

_ Thunderstrike Arrow _ was caught off guard, the plasma blast going wide as Lonato crushed the bottom half of the Nabatean under its weight. Immediately,  _ Astra  _ was moving towards the two and  _ King  _ was five steps ahead. They watched as Lonato spot acid bile all over  _ Thunderstrike _ , melting into the hull and making their legs go limp.

"Hang on,  _ Thunderstrike _ !" Sylvain shouted. 

"We've got you," Dimitri swore. 

_ Thunderstrike _ grappled with Lonato, one hand holding its remaining pincer and the other pushing back against its body even as Beast blood melted their fingers and ate into the metal plating. Lonato's tail swung wildly, stabbing at  _ Thunderstrike's  _ head, but they were fast enough to move out of the way or black attacks with their forearm, or just stay alive. 

At least, until they weren't. 

Someone screamed when Lonato's stinger went right through  _ Thunderstrike Arrow's  _ conn-podd, metal twisting and sparks flying. Catherine and Shamir were too small to even be seen, but Felix didn't need to see. He could feel his blood run cold and it suddenly occurred to him just how badly beaten his Nabatean was. 

"What's going on? We just lost all vitals for  _ Thunderstrike _ .  _ Astra, King _ — talk to us!" Byleth sounded hysterical. Felix felt like it. 

"Come on, Fe, we have to keep fighting." Sylvain's voice took him out of his head. He glanced over and saw those wide eyes, saw the tears there. Memories of the two of them — happy, safe,  _ unburdened _ — flashed one after another. 

Catherine and Shamir wouldn't have anymore memories. They were lost to the drift. But that didn't mean Felix would just roll over and die. 

Lonato went after the two remaining Nabateans.  _ King _ punched it in the face.  _ Astra _ cut the other pincer off. With horrifying ease,  _ King _ grabbed the Beast's stinger and ripped it off of its body. The Beast screamed and even Felix winced at how horrible a sound it was. 

"This is for Catherine and Shamir!" Dimitri roared.  _ King _ plunged a fist through Lonato's chest, ripping at its organs and ignoring the acid that bit at the metal.  _ King's  _ fist briefly glowed blue and then a concentrated electrical field burst around it, frying Lonato from the inside out. 

The Demonic Beast cried out one more time before falling limb. 

_ Crimson Astra _ walked over and, for good measure, plunged their sword through its chest. The forest was silent. No one dared make a sound. 

#

_ "MISSION REPORT: DEMONIC BEAST #23  _

_ At 13:04, the breach opened and released a category four Demonic Beast. This Beast, codename Lonato, began travelling north towards the Galatea region in Faerghus. Three Nabateans — Thunderstrike Arrow, Crimson Astra, and Devoted King — were launched from the Charon Shatterdome at 03:39 and sent to engage with the Beast.  _

_ During the conflict, Thunderstrike Arrow sustained major damage which resulted in the near complete destruction of the Nabatean. Both pilots, Catherine Charon and Shamir Nevrand, were killed in the fight. While technicians are still reviewing the damage, it is unlikely that Thunderstrike Arrow can be salvageable. The current recommendation is for the Nabatean to be used for scrap.  _

_ Crimson Astra also sustained heavy damage, including serious impacts to the torso and shoulders. However, with time it is expected that Crimson Astra can be fully repaired. Both pilots are on rest duty, however they are still cleared for service if required.  _

_ Devoted King completed the fight with the least damage, though it must be noted that they were deployed last. However, both pilots proved themselves more than capable. The current recommendation is for them to remain at the Charon Shatterdome at least until Crimson Astra is fully repaired." _

_ — Report Opening by General Byleth Eisner, written three hours after the confirmed death of the Demonic Beast Lonato  _

#

After the drift, it was hard. Felix got so used to someone else in his brain and under his skin that it felt alien to not be able to just share a thought or an impulse with Sylvain. It was strange to not know what he was thinking, to not see what he was seeing. 

It was always worse after a bad fight. The two of them had been too exhausted for much after the fight against Thales, but now it was worse because they were just tired enough to feel it but not enough to fall asleep. Too much adrenaline and anxiety and anger ran through Felix for him to calm down, and he imagined Sylvain was much the same. No one said anything, but Felix blamed himself and he didn't need to be drifting to know that Sylvain thought he was at fault. 

Catherine and Shamir were dead. Two of the original rangers, the stuff of legends — killed because Felix couldn't finish off a Beast. It was laughable. A rookie mistake. The kind of shit that Felix had been worried about Dimitri making. 

Felix didn't even want to shower, but Byleth had all but ordered him to after shoving him into the decontamination room. That was the thing about fighting creatures who seemed designed to kill humans — there were a lot of steps before you were let loose in the shatterdome again. 

The debriefing was the worst ten minutes of Felix's life. Even though he was usually loathe to so much as hold Sylvain's hand in public — their wedding aside, he could count on one hand the amount of times he had initiated a public gesture of affection — today he was…. He was vulnerable. There was no way around it. 

He hated feeling like that, but he curled his fingers around Sylvain's and nodded at all the right places as Byleth told them that he and Sylvain were on rest orders. Again. 

He'd fight with them later about it. He didn't have the heart to say anything now. 

He stumbled into their room with his hair tied in a messy bun and eyes half-closed. He may or may not have been leaning against Sylvain. Did it count if Sylvain was also using him to stay upright? Who was strong when both of them felt like frayed wires, scraped down to the very end? Who was vulnerable when neither of them cried? 

Felix didn’t protest as Sylvain pulled him into bed, only stumbling briefly to kick his boots off. He hadn’t bothered to lace them up. Sylvain smelled like ashes and ozone — it would take more than a shower to wash off the scent of the drift. Felix still buried his face in the crook of Sylvain’s shoulder. 

Sylvain’s arms were warm wrapped around Felix. His hands were gentle as they pulled the hair tie out, black locks tumbling down to Felix’s shoulders. Felix pressed kisses against Sylvain’s jaw and cheek, slowly reaching down to trace abstract patterns on his stomach. Both of them still had wet hair, but that wasn’t the only source of the wetness on Sylvain’s face. 

Silently, Felix brushed his tears away. He kissed Sylvain, closing his eyes as his hands cradled Sylvain’s face. Sylvain ran his hands up Felix’s spine, the warmth almost blistering as Sylvain pushed his shirt aside. Their lips were live wires, sparks flying every time they brushed against each other. Nothing else existed. The world was made of two people and they lived in this room. 

Felix held onto Sylvain and Sylvain held onto Felix and they fit together like a pair of gloves.

They broke apart just long enough for Felix to throw his shirt aside, long enough for Sylvain to unbutton his, but they were both too desperate to wait for anything more. Felix’s torso had a galaxy of scars, each dot a star and each line a streak of asteroids peppering his skin. The marks of the drift, blemishes that reminded him of how fortunate he was to be alive, were legion and Sylvais traced each of them with reverence found only in church. Two long, jagged lines cut across Felix’s chest, the only intentional marks of bravery and the only ones that Sylvain avoided, though his thumb brushed against Felix’s nipple. 

Tightening his grip on Sylvain’s shoulders, Felix let out a shaky breath. He squeezed once, twice, then lowered his hands. He made short work of Sylvain’s pants, though it was distracting when Sylvain did the same to him. 

There were condoms in their nightstand. Felix rolled one onto Sylvain with deft, practiced motions, before sinking down on him without any preparation. 

Both of them moaned. A side effect of the drift, synchronicity — or maybe a side effect of years and years together, unnamed intimacy sprawling further back in their past than Felix’s scars. 

Sylvain was not unmarked. He had a mirror of Felix’s wounds, though his skin burned red instead of edging towards brown like Felix’s did when the drift lit up and lashed out. His hands were rough and calloused, but gentle as they rested on Felix’s hips. His lip was permanently split from when he was thrown from a treehouse when they were children, an angry brother hurting the one person he could punish for their parents’ failures. His neck had a thin line around it, created by the collar on his drivesuit and appearing like the kiss of a noose.

Felix bit Sylvain’s neck as Sylvain thrust deeper into him, leaving his own mark behind. It was Sylvain who broke from his muteness first — he usually was. 

“I love you,” he said. “I love you,” he said. “You’re beautiful. I love you. I love you. I love you.” 

_ Please never leave me, _ Felix thought as Sylvain touched him between his legs. 

_ Please always love me, _ he thought as he left scratches down Sylvain’s back.

_ Please stay alive for me, _ he thought as he approached his climax. 

“I love you,” Felix gasped when he came, muscles spasming. Sylvain followed not long after, the vice grip of Felix around his cock and around his heart too much for him to handle. The two remained there, still entwined, the taste of sweat and smoke in their mouths. 

Sylvain brushed Felix’s hair back one strand at a time until Felix’s face was fully visible. His bottom lip was bleeding — at some point he had bitten there too hard. Sylvain’s collarbone faired similarly. Felix was too tired to tell if he had done it low enough that Sylvain’s shirts would cover it. He didn’t quite care. 

There would be bruises on Felix’s hips. Felix didn’t care about those either. 

They kissed. Sylvain tasted like rain. 

#

_ “CRITICISM OF THE PAN FÓDLAN DEFENSE CORPS REACHES BOILING POINT _

_ Criticism and questions were the theme of the latest press conference with Marshall Rhea, leader of the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps. Journalists demanded answers for the staggering nine rangers who have died in the last nine months. Between four Demonic Beast attacks — which is also a record number of attacks in a single period — four Nabateans have also been destroyed. Many recall Marshall Eisner’s death, which seemed to spark the tragedy hitting the PFDC. Alongside his untimely passing, the deaths include the pilots of Thunderstrike Arrow, Silent Sword, Beast Breaker, and Bitter Valkyrie.  _

_ While Marshall Rhea urged Fódlan to remain calm and reassured those present that the PFDC is still dedicated to the protection of humankind, many questioned what they felt were empty promises and meaningless platitudes.  _

_ “The Pan Fódlan Defense Corps remains the most efficient force in fighting and defeating these Demonic Beasts,” Marshall Rhea stated. “I assure you that our top scientists and engineers are constantly proposing ideas to keep us ahead of the Demonic Beast threat.” She also stated that the next Mark IV is scheduled for release in the next several months, however no further details were provided.  _

_ One reporter from the Enbarr Journal asked if the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps had any plans on adjusting the criteria to become a ranger. Marshall Rhea stated that there “are no plans at this time, but if we find new criteria that we feel is important for the quality of our rangers, of course we will begin to select pilots with that in mind.”  _

_ Many in the public have expressed doubts about the viability of the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps. Several grassroots movements across the continent have begun campaigning for the minimization or removal of the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps. While some sight the organization as ineffective, there are growing fears about the amount of importance that the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps has in society.  _

_ One representative from Free Fódlan, an organization in Varley with the goal of shutting down the Varley Shatterdome, said in an email that “the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps is the worst of militarization, holding the entire continent in its grasp with very little oversight… we do not know why they have power, only that they do, and if they decide that you are unimportant, then they will gladly let a Demonic Beast rampage.” _

_ No one from the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps responded in time for the printing of this article.” _

_ — Front page article in The Fódlan Post _

#

Felix's muscles ached. His lungs screamed for air. He had to blink past the stars and the sweat in his eyes. He was the only one in the training area, which was just how he liked it. He could barely stand up straight, having to use the bo staff he was training with as a walking stick. He squinted at the clock on the wall, the big red numbers letting him know that it was late at night. Or maybe early in the morning. A matter of perspective, really. 

He didn’t care. Well, part of him thought that it would probably be nice to rest in bed with Sylvain, which would be warm and soft and comfortable—

“Ugh.” Felix groaned. He forced himself to get back into the ready position: knees slightly bent, bo staff pointed out, legs spread so he had better balance. His body started going through the motions, swinging the staff and travelling through the space with as fluid motions. His actions were automatic, instinct and training all wrapped together. 

He started moving faster and faster, the moves becoming more and more complicated. He spun, lashing out with the staff, and landed lightly on the balls of his feet. He tumbled forward, tucking his body into a tight ball, before swinging the staff into a wide arc. Felix’s fingers protested and he saw, even before it happened, the staff clatter from his fingers. 

He swore. In a moment of unfiltered rage, he kicked at the staff. It went spinning into the distance, only stopping when someone caught it with his foot. Felix narrowed his eyes when he realized who was watching. 

“What do you want, boar?” Felix asked. He stood up straight, crossing his arms, but it was hard to be intimidating when he was having trouble balancing on his own two feet. 

Dimitri came closer, holding the staff in a neutral position, but stopped when Felix took a step back. Slowly, Dimitri held out the staff. Felix didn’t move. 

"I thought I heard someone." Dimitri lowered the staff when it was clear that Felix wasn't going to take it. "How long have you been training?" 

Felix almost told him to leave. But there was no point in telling someone to do something they already were doing. 

"Long enough. What are you doing awake? Shouldn't you be sleeping with your fiancé?" Felix said, narrowing his eyes. Dimitri shrugged. 

"Can't sleep." 

And it was like all the anger just… dissipated from Felix like a balloon stabbed by a knife. He felt his shoulders slump, his expression soften. He turned away, confident that the boar would not attack him if he was not looking but less confident if he were to show weakness. It had been many years since their failed drift, but it was something that couldn't be forgotten. 

He worried his bottom lip, not sure what to say. Dimitri saved him the concern. 

"You know that I would rather stay here. It's not my wish to go to the Gloucester Shatterdome." 

"You're needed there more than you're needed here. Sylvain and I can keep Faerghus safe. We did it without you before, we can do it without you again." He didn't bother to mention how there had always been two or three Nabateans in the Charon Shatterdome. Soon, there would only be one. There was no use pointing out the obvious. "Besides, they're hot shit right now. Maybe you and Dedue can get some good PR. Goddess knows no one likes the Charon Shatterdome anymore." Or anyone who worked for the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps, for that matter. 

"They're scared. The Demonic Beasts are getting stronger." 

"They're cowards who don't trust us because we fight in robots. I'd like to see them try to fight using the power of friendship or whatever they're suggesting." Felix didn't really follow the news anymore. It didn't matter to him. Sometimes, over lunch, Ashe and Ingrid and the others would get into discussions about it. Mostly Ashe and Ingrid. 

Felix would miss hearing the two of them complain about whatever new group was trying to undermine the Corps. They'd probably find plenty of friends in the Bergliez Shatterdome. Felix hoped that they enjoyed it there. He also hoped that they'd be miserable. 

Dimitri snorted. "We also fight Demonic Beasts with the power of love and friendship." 

"You know what I meant. Don't be witty. It doesn't suit you and you aren't good at it." Felix turned back around, a glare settled on his face. "What do you want?" 

"I told you. I thought I heard someone. I was curious."

"You're worse at lying than you are at being funny. Did something happen between you and Dedue?" 

"No." Dimitri sighed. "Look, I couldn't sleep. That much is true. But I also heard you and — and, well, I've wanted to talk with you for a while." 

"You have five seconds to convince me to stay or I'm leaving."

"We never talked about when we drifted."

Felix started walking. He had to pass Dimitri, but he was ready to throw him across the room if that was what it took. Dimitri was strong, but Felix was angry. 

"You don't complain about fighting next to me, not anymore."

"I don't have the luxury of complaining," Felix argued. He decided to be an asshole and knock shoulders with Dimitri. It was like hitting a brick wall. "There's nothing to talk about, boar. You're a monster in man's skin." 

"We both hate them, the Beasts. I don't know why I'm the monster and you aren't." 

Felix stopped. He pivoted on his heel. His eyes were barely slits. 

"I fight to protect people. You fight to kill. That's the difference and if you can't see that, then you're even more hopeless than I thought." Felix strode up to Dimitri. He was shorter by a good deal, but he didn't hesitate to get in Dimitri's space. "You are barely more than one of them. I know what's in your head, what you  _ think _ . I know how you breathe. I know how you exist. And I know that the only reason you haven't lost control in a Nabatean is because of Dedue." 

"Felix—"

"I'm glad you're going to Gloucester because then, when you snap, it won't happen here. Heh. To think you're the Corps' golden boy. What a farce." Felix didn't move. He waited for Dimitri to do anything. Say anything. His heart itched for a fight. 

"You're wrong about me," Dimitri said. "I want to kill Demonic Beasts more than anything, but I do that because that is how you protect people. I will become a monster if that is what it takes. I am willing to make that sacrifice. Are you?" 

"You know nothing about sacrifice." Felix raised a hand to strike Dimitri but he didn't even flinch. The movement ended up wasted as Felix cast his eyes away, standing down with a scowl. "This isn't some kind of competition, boar. You don't get to die in some heroic blaze of glory unless you're fighting the last Beast, got it?" 

Dimitri's lips twitched. "You care more than you admit." 

"I only care because Ingrid and the others would be sad if you died." Felix almost said  _ when _ , but even he didn't want to tempt fate like that. "And Dedue is already insufferable with you alive. He'd be worse without you." 

Something shifted in Dimitri's expression, but he must have been prepared for all manner of tricks because he still didn't rise to Felix's bait. He never did. That was the one thing Felix liked about this Dimitri. No matter what Felix spat, snarled, or shouted, he'd get about the same reaction. 

"Annette and Mercedes leave soon, don't they?" Dimitri asked. 

"In a week," Felix replied. "They promised to stay in touch." 

Silence stretched its long limbs around the two men. 

"They'll be safer away from the center," Dimitri reasoned. Felix shrugged. "How did the Marshall react?" 

"Byleth suggested it." At least, that was what they said when Felix burst into their office, spitting fire and raising hell. They had stared at him with cold, unblinking eyes before saying  _ It was my idea _ . And, well, there were some things that even Felix couldn't argue with. 

At least Byleth being made Marshall was novel. Felix supposed it made sense. They were the child of Jeralt and took over all his duties at the shatterdome after he died. Besides, they couldn't pilot anymore so what else were they going to do? No point forcing a good asset to retire as long as there was still use for them. 

"If I am not allowed to die, then you are not to die either." 

"I don't make promises to animals." Felix frowned. "It isn't you who I live for, got it?" 

"That was never in question." Dimitri shook his head. "I wish — well, I suppose it's pointless, but I wish that we were friends still. I remember your presence in my childhood so clearly—"

"It is pointless to think about something that can never happen," Felix interrupted, even as he wondered the same thing. "... When is your wedding?" He asked. 

"We're signing the papers tomorrow. We both agreed that there's no reason to have a ceremony until this is over." Dimitri toyed with the ring on his finger. Basic gold — not like any metal that could be used for a Nabatean wasn't outrageously expensive — but then again, did money even matter anymore to people like the two of them? 

Though some vicious part of Felix's brain did point out that his ring was a little nicer and a little shinier than Dimitri's. 

"After this is over, you and Sylvain will be invited," Dimitri stated. 

"Yeah, well, only if you promise not to have a better wedding than me, boar," Felix shot back. 

Dimitri smiled. "I'll let Dedue know. I will miss you, Felix. Even if you won't miss me." He placed the staff on the ground and started towards the weights. 

"I've been mourning your death for almost five years," Felix spat at him. Dimitri didn't reply. 

#

_ To: ffraldarius@pfdc.rangers.com, sgautier@pfdc.rangers.com  _

_ From: igalatea@pfdc.rangers.com  _

_ Subject: Bergliez  _

_ Hi guys,  _

_ Finally have a moment to myself. It's been hectic, getting everything set up. The drift test was successful but then we had to wait because my drivesuit had some weird malfunction when it connected to the Nabatean? I honestly don't know exactly what happened, but they wanted to adjust it so we got grounded for a bit… so here we are.  _

_ Bergliez is noisy. There's a few others here, but only one other active Nabatean. Lion Heart, is… interesting. Linhardt seems more focused on his research than actually being a ranger but Caspar is rarely out of the gym… or out of Linhardt's presence. But the two of them seem competent, so you don't have to fear that I am surrounded by idiots. At least, no more than before :)  _

_ Ashe sends his greetings. He said that he'll send you his own email when he has the time, but I think he's off to train with Caspar now. He's getting along well with our fellows at least.  _

_ How's Charon been? Is it quiet with all of us gone? Have either of you heard from Dimitri or Dedue? I'm sure they're just busy adjusting to a new shatterdome. Still, it'd be nice to know that they're okay…  _

_ But enough about that. I hope you both are well. I miss you two. Try not to have too much fun without me! And stay safe, will you? At least until a new Nabatean gets to you. I heard that they're releasing another Mark IV soon. Not sure who the candidates are, but maybe you can ask Byleth.  _

_ With love, _

_ Ingrid  _

#

_ To: igalatea@pfdc.rangers.com _

_ From: sgautier@pfdc.rangers.com  _

_ Subject: RE:Bergliez _

_ Hey, _

_ Good to hear from you!!! Felix is also happy you're alive and stuff, but you know how he gets. So I'm replying!  _

_ I think I trained with Caspar. Blue hair? Short? Really loud? He seemed like a good guy, mostly. Just don't challenge him to a fight because he'll take you seriously. A bit like Felix, actually… anyways, before I forget, tell Ashe that we all miss his cooking. No one here knows how to make a good oyster stew like he does!  _

_ Charon's quieter than before, but not at the same time. I think Felix and I probably notice it the most. He won't admit it, but he doesn't know what to do without you and Dimitri here. You, to yell at him, and Dimitri, for him to yell at. I caught him just staring at a punching bag the other day. He didn't even notice me for a whole minute! This better finish up soon so we can all head back to Faerghus. As soon as we're all in the same room again, drinks on me, okay?  _

_ Nothing from Dimitri or Dedue, but I asked Byleth and they said that the two of them are just being kept busy. More like, they just forgot we exist. _

_ Kidding! I'm sure Dimitri can't sleep without thinking of you.  _

_ We're totally safe here. Almost at eight kills, remember? I made a bet with Felix that if we get a dozen, he and I will actually take a week off or something. Just fuck off back home. No Nabateans, no Demonic Beasts. _

_ A guy can dream, right?  _

_ Hey, if we get a dozen kills, you think command will let us visit you? I've never been to Bergliez, or anywhere in Adrestia. Is it as nice as everyone says it is?  _

_ Don't be a stranger. _

_ Sylvain  _

_ P.S., _

_ Felix says that Honorable Knight is a stupid name for a Nabatean. I think it's funny. I've got half a dozen jokes lined up for the next time we meet.  _

# 

_ To: sgautier@pfdc.rangers.com _

_ From: igalatea@pfdc.rangers.com _

_ Subject: RE:RE:Bergliez _

_ Yes, one of the advantages of having Ashe as my co-pilot is the fact that I get to eat his cooking every day. We're a bit closer to real farmland, so we actually have semi-fresh produce. Do you know, I had almost forgotten what a fresh apple tastes like? It's delicious, by the way. I had one of the red ones, a Red Delicious I think, before Ashe took them all. He made us an apple pie. You would have loved it.  _

_ Speaking of baking, I got an email from Mercedes the other day. She's doing well. Her and Annette are helping civilians up by Duscur, actually. I don't know if you already know that, sorry. But she's a lot happier, I think. Probably nicer to treat refugees than Felix, right? I'm just glad that she's safe. You should send her an email sometime, I'm sure she'd love to hear from you… or at least know that you're okay.  _

_ I was watching the news the other day. Did you know that it's been almost fourteen years since the first Beast attack? We were just kids back then, and they only came every few years if that… now, it feels like they're coming every month. We haven't had one this month yet. I guess that means it's coming soon.  _

_ Do you ever think about what our lives would have been like if it weren't for the Beasts? I try not to. But sometimes… I don't know.  _

_ Tell Felix that I said hi. Give him a kiss on the cheek for me.  _

_ Not a stranger, _

_ Ingrid  _

_ P.S., _

_ Tell Felix that it's better than Crimson Astra.  _

#

The Demonic Beast came from the mountains, like all the others. It was a Category Four, codename Anschutz. It was headed straight for Faerghus.

"Rangers in the conn-pod!" A technician shouted as Sylvain and Felix stepped inside, already suited up in their bodysuits. The various technicians swarmed around them, strapping the drivesuit on and screwing it into place. 

"Love you," Sylvain said, kissing Felix. 

"Love you, too," Felix murmured, meeting Sylvain's gaze. 

Then they stood at the ready, the harnesses swung down, and more screws and bolts were put into the drivesuit. 

Felix stretched his arms and rolled his neck, loosening up as much as he could. The drivesuit felt like a second skin, the conn-pod a second home. This was his domain and he wouldn't back down against anything. 

"Hello, rangers. Are you ready to fight today?" Alois asked. 

"I'm ready to kick some Demonic Beast ass," Sylvain confirmed. 

"Talk is cheap. Let's get into the drift." Felix quickly confirmed that he was ready for calibration. 

Alois laughed. "Always so eager. Sylvain, are you ready?" 

"Yup." He popped the  _ P _ like he was blowing bubbles gum. "Hey, Fe, wanna know a secret?" 

Felix rolled his eyes even as he looked over at the smug face of his insufferably lovely husband. "What?" He asked. 

"Love yah." 

"Good luck," Byleth stated. They were never one to mince words. "Alois, begin the drift." 

"Starting drift!" 

Felix closed his eyes. 

_ Red hair, bright eyes, playing tag with Glenn so he probably doesn't want to play with me—  _

_ Crying, Glenn pushed him off the swing set and he scraped his knees and Rodrigue told him it was his fault— _

_ Hate this, hate how helpless I am, want to protect him from everyone, from the world—  _

_ My name is Felix, he says, and everything makes sense and he's so scared so I just hold him and tell him it's going to be okay— _

_ The smell of rain at a funeral. The sight of the moon over the city skyline. The taste of crappy shatterdome coffee.  _

_ Ozone and ashes mingling together. Breathing in toxic fumes and hacking up a lung. The laughter after Dimitri tries a ghost pepper and suffering the chewing out that happens later.  _

_ Soft whispers shared between bed sheets. Kisses exchanged being closed doors. Soft glances kept secret. Love so vulnerable and strong that no one can see it.  _

_ Vows made between two scared boys and two scared men, echoed in love and lust, admiration and adoration. Kept together by thin bands of gold and hearts beating in synch.  _

"Drift at one hundred percent!" Alois announced. Felix and Sylvain opened their eyes and let out a sigh. 

" _ Crimson Astra _ , ready to be deployed." 

They were airlifted to where Anschutz was. The Demonic Beast was a horrible creature with a horn on its face and large spikes running down its back. It had claws the size of light poles and was currently rampaging through the forest, en route to collide with a logging camp. They had to stop it. They would stop it. 

_ Crimson Astra  _ landed with no fanfare, the cables connecting them to six helicopters released automatically. They released their sword immediately as they matched forward, the sound of their footsteps catching Anschutz's attention immediately. The Beast turned towards them, long tongue rolling out and dragging across the ground as it scrambled towards them. 

"Ha!" Felix shouted as they swung the sword down. The Beast slithered aside, lashing out with its tail, sharp spikes leaving gashes across  _ Astra's _ torso but not cutting too deep. 

They re-positioned, staying on the defensive as the Beast and Nabatean circled one another. Suddenly, the Beast opened its maw, row after row of jagged teeth appearing as it launched itself at  _ Crimson Astra _ . Quickly, they raised the sword and cut into its soft mouth, ripping a hole in the side of its cheek. It still sunk its fangs around metal and wires and circuitry — Felix screamed from system overload as the right arm of the Nabatean was ripped clean off. 

"LOCCENT we're hit," Sylvain shouted. "Felix, it's okay. Focus. We're going to get out of here. We're going to be okay." 

Felix gasped for air, blinking circles out of his vision. They barely raised their arm in time to block the Beast's next attack. It raked claws across their torso, though their remaining arm managed to take the brunt of the damage. Time seemed to pause. They looked out at the Beast as it roared at them, maw gushing blue. 

Anschutz had red eyes. All Demonic Beasts had red eyes. 

They punched it in the nose, followed by a swift kick to the ribs. Even with only one arm, they managed to get another strike in before it reared back and drove its main horn into their chest. Both of them coughed up blood as the Nabatean's hull screamed, metal shredding underneath impossibly dense bone. 

" _ Astra _ , you need to hold on. The helicopters are on their way, they can help distract it. Stay alive," Byleth ordered. Felix barely heard them. 

The Beast pulled back and  _ Astra  _ took the opportunity to disengage, putting some much-needed distance between the two of them. They quickly took stock of their current situation. Down an arm, almost all their systems hitting critical, and their only backup whatever guns were on a bunch of helicopters. 

"We got this," Sylvain said. 

"Yes, we do," Felix agreed. 

"Ruined Sky!" They shouted. The Nabatean planted itself into the ground, feet actually shooting rods into the earth to keep them steady. Their shoulders opened up, two gleaming rockets on either side pushed up on hydraulic pistons. They pointed themself at Anschutz. The Demonic Beast roared, clawing at the ground and churning up mud with how deep it scratched. 

The rockets fired, each spiralling through the air. One missed completely, hitting a tree to the far left. Another was little more than a glancing blow, exploding near Anschutz's rear leg. The last two were direct hits, one striking its left forearm and the other blasting a hole in its side. The Beast screamed in pain, sinking to the ground, dead. 

"Hell yeah!" Sylvain shouted, punching the air even as  _ Crimson Astra _ started to return back to normal. "We never get to do that." 

"Congratulations,  _ Crimson Astra _ . That was your eighth kill to date," Alois said. Sylvain cheered again. Even Felix had to smile. He glanced over at Sylvain, who was matching his grin. 

_ I love you, _ he thought. 

_ I love you, _ came the response. 

Felix rolled his right shoulder. It still stung like hell and he knew that there would be even more scars there once this was through, but he'd wear them proudly if it meant that he was alive, that Sylvain was alive. That was all that mattered. 

They started to walk away, content to let the clean up crews take over from there. After the Beast fell, everything else was up to the less glamorous jobs at the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps. Not everyone could be a ranger. 

Something started to beep. 

"Hey, LOCCENT, someone's popcorn ready or something?" Sylvain asked. 

"Wait — that —  _ Astra _ , the Beast is still alive! I repeat, the Beast is still alive!" Byleth shouted. 

Sylvain and Felix tried to turn around, but it was too late. Anschutz jumped on their back, claws digging into their spine. It bit down on their head, several teeth piercing the hull. Someone was shouting, but all Felix could hear was his heartbeat and the sound of metal being ripped apart like it was nothing. 

They reached up to try to swat the Beast off, to try to grab it, but their blows were too weak as the very construction of  _ Crimson Astra  _ failed. In desperation, they threw themselves back and managed to push Anschutz into a tree. It screamed again but was only motivated to fight back more, this time taking a chunk out of the conn-pod. 

The two of them looked at one another. 

"Felix, listen to me—" Sylvain's fear was Felix's fear as he was ripped from the drift. 

Someone screamed. Felix barely registered his body making that sound. He felt his vision go white for a moment, the entire load of the Nabatean falling on him in a single, horrible second. His nose began bleeding and his fingers and toes went numb. He couldn't feel the tip of his tongue. He wanted to throw up. 

He turned around and tore Anschutz off of him. He threw the Demonic Beast to the ground, dropped one knee on its windpipe, and just slammed his remaining fist into its head again and again. It screamed and clawed at him, raking at his torso and legs, but he couldn't feel more pain. He couldn't feel more terror. He couldn't feel more hatred. 

The acid blood smelled like sulfur. Felix's mouth tasted like copper. His body felt like it was covered in ashes. 

#

Felix wasn't allowed back into a Nabatean, not even the training one. Oh, he hadn't been  _ told  _ to stay out of one, but he knew what was going on when people started suddenly needing him or random health checks happened each time he so much looked at a simulator the wrong way. But he wasn't allowed in the training room either, and he didn't want to read a bunch of dusty old books or sit in the rec room and pretend that everyone wasn't staring at him in pity, so he spent most of his time in their room.

In his room.

It still smelled like Sylvain. There was Sylvain's jacket and clothes, neatly folded and delivered one day. His sunglasses sat on his desk. His paperwork lay unfinished underneath them. He had a half-drunk cup of coffee sitting out that Felix couldn't bring himself to touch. 

The bed was too big and cold. Felix didn't sleep. Even when he could close his eyes, all he could see was the fear on Sylvain's face.

He ate mostly because Byleth tracked him down for meals twice a day and sat across from him until he had eaten an acceptable amount of food. They didn't try talking to him about it. They had given him their condolences and told him that he was off of active duty for an indiscriminate amount of time. Last he heard, there would be a new Nabatean assigned to Charon. It wasn't  _ Devoted King _ nor was it  _ Honorable Knight _ , which was all that mattered to him. 

His friends sent emails. He didn't respond. 

Felix wasn't allowed to drift. He thought that the doctors had told him something something  _ dangerous to your health, your mind and body may not be able to handle it _ but honestly, he thought it was because they didn't trust him. He didn't blame them. No one had ever piloted a Nabatean by themself and lived to tell the tale about it.

Well, Felix wasn't telling much of anything, but he assumed that the Corps was worried about that. After all, they had enough on their plate, what with losing Nabateans like flies. Funny, despite the odds Felix had never really thought about what he would do if one of them died. It had always been both of them, up to this point. Maybe he should be happy that things were different than that, try to look on the bright side and have positive thoughts and plan for the future, but he couldn't. 

He stopped seeing the mandatory grief counselor after the minimum four sessions. Byleth wanted to assign more, but he didn't have to speak for them to know why that was a horrible idea. 

Felix didn't know why he hadn't just been kicked out. He didn't actually… do… anything. He wasn't allowed to train. He wasn't allowed to drift. He ate, slept, and sat in their room looking at the walls all day. 

His room. 

Their room. It didn't stop being their room just because one of them was dead. 

At some point, he went out onto the third floor garden in the shatterdome. It had a balcony that was the nicest view in the entire building. He stood at the railing for half a minute before someone came up to him and started making truly horrendous small talk. Felix just stood there. Byleth arrived not five minutes later and bid the poor janitor — or technician or cook or whoever — leave. 

The two of them stood there in silence for a while. Byleth was always good at that. 

"I'm not going to kill myself," Felix said. Byleth raised an eyebrow. "I know — I know that's what you're worried about. That I'll try to fix everything by just…" He gestured away from the railing. 

"If you wanted to kill yourself, you would have done so by now." 

Felix wasn't sure if he should be flattered or offended by that. He settled on neither. 

"It doesn't work that way, though. I — I need to at least… I… I don't think it works like that." 

"It never has in the past," Byleth answered in their frustrating monotone. Felix, for once in his life, refused to answer the bait. 

"I want to drift again," he said instead. 

"No. It'll kill you." 

"No, it won't." 

"No one is compatible with you." 

"I don't care. I'll solo drift. Put me in a training sim. Just—" Felix grit his teeth. "Please. Just once. For — For everything I've done." 

A moment passed. Felix was certain that Byleth was thinking of the polite way to tell him to go fuck himself. 

"Give me a few days." They started to walk away. "Felix?" 

"What?" He didn't sound nearly as angry as he wanted. 

"It's not fair, but we have to keep fighting. He wouldn't want it to be in vain." 

Felix swallowed his sorrow and a scream. Shouting at Byleth wouldn't solve anything, nor would it make him feel better. Maybe that was a sign of emotional maturity. Maybe it was a sign of utter despair. 

Three days later, he got approval to do a practice drift in a controlled environment using one of the simulations. It wasn't in a Nabatean — he wasn't even standing. He'd be laying down almost like he was getting an x-ray, a helmet on his head and a joystick in either hand. It was what beginning rangers, the ones who had just passed the physical and were just breaking in their bunks, did to introduce them to the concept of the drift. Because that part was real, at least, even if they weren't connecting with anyone. 

The drift, he remembered reading, was a metaphysical concept. It existed long before humanity tapped into it and it would exist long after humans failed to need it anymore. But just because it couldn't be touched didn't make it less real. 

"One drift," Byleth said. They were personally overseeing it. Felix didn't know if he should be flattered or angry. They certainly had better shit to do than babysit him, but then again he could still barely walk on the treadmill without his lungs aching. His body was more scar tissue than real flesh at this point, he was pretty sure. 

"Fine." Felix jammed the helmet on his head before laying down. "I am ready for drift," he said. 

"... Initiating drift in ten… nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two…" Byleth sighed. "One." 

The drift was an avalanche, Felix had long since decided. Now, there was no one to tether him to a fixed point. He was adrift in a snowstorm of memories and they weren't just his own. 

He could sense Sylvain in the drift. He could hear Sylvain's laughter, see his face, smell his shampoo. His thoughts merged with Felix's until he wasn't quite sure what memories he was looking at.  _ Whose _ memories he was looking at. 

Felix was in the drift and Sylvain was almost there, but not quite. And, in that moment, Felix understood why Byleth wanted to keep him out of the drift. He wondered when they had figured it out, if it was before or after Jeralt's death. The drift was limitless. It stored information, almost. More like, it was the other side of the undeveloped film. The negative, close but not perfectly aligned. Off, but still welcoming and familiar enough to be tempting.

But not enough.

Sylvain's fear hadn't been about dying. It had been about leaving Felix alone. 

# 

Two months after the passing of Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix turned in his resignation to the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps. 

_ "Maybe there's a God above _

_ But all I've ever learned from love _

_ Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you _

_ And it's not a cry that you hear at night _

_ It's not somebody who's seen the light _

_ It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah"  _


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot! We're finally at the end of this absolute monster. Thanks for sticking with it folks! 
> 
> Once again, please take care and read the warnings/tags.
> 
> Technically I'm also using this chapter for Felix Week: Scars & Alternate Endings. Yay for multi-purpose xD 
> 
> Cheers!

Felix watched the news not out of genuine curiosity, but because he didn't have a choice. When his boss wanted to watch the news, he watched the news. When he wanted to watch shitty soap operas, Felix watched shitty soap operas. 

Oliver was a rich black market dealer who acted like hot shit in public, but he rarely left his estate. Felix, as his bodyguard, didn't leave much either. At least Felix got to have a few guns with him on a day-to-day basis. 

But today, the news was the only interesting thing happening. Granted, it was very interesting. 

"Just this morning, a Category Four Demonic Beast attacked Faerghus, heading straight to the Charon Shatterdome. The Demonic Beast was stopped by the efforts of the recently decommissioned _Devoted King_, which has been stationed there for the last two years." The news cut to a clip of a familiar Nabatean fighting in the middle of the forest, sun gleaming off her visor. Whatever helicopter had taken the footage was shaky, but Felix didn't need a picture to remember how _Devoted King_ looked in person. As the footage rolled, the Nabatean tore the jaw off the Demonic Beast and shoved a hand down its throat. 

Graphic, but the world was used to it. 

The clip switched to Dedue and Dimitri in the Shatterdome, both of them still in their gear. It looked like they had been forced in front of the cameras. Dimitri barely even looked at the interviewer as she pestered him with questions about the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps and politics and the wall of life— 

"It's simple," Dedue interrupted. He shifted forward so his voice, low and deep, could still be heard. "The program was stopped due to difficulty finding quality pilots, not because the Nabateans stopped working. This was _Devoted King's_ tenth kill to date, more than any other Nabatean in service." 

"And you're still leaving Charon?" Someone off-camera shouted. Dedue's face flickered to whoever it was, then back to Dimitri. 

"It isn't our choice. We've been reassigned. _Devoted King_ goes where we are needed," Dimitri said. "No more questions." He and Dedue turned around and it was only the security guards surrounding them that prevented the journalists from swarming them with more questions. 

In the real world, Oliver threw the remote at the wall. "Blasted rangers… dastards, all of them! Talk about saving the world and then leave us all to rot." He dabbed at his sweaty forehead with a limp handkerchief. "Oh dear, oh dear, I've ruined my shirt…" Indeed, he was starting to sweat through his clothes. It happened a lot. Felix didn't know if it was a medical condition or just the manifestation of how disgusting Oliver was as a person. Either way, Felix often regret picking security as his fallback job after leaving the Corps.

Often. Not always. It was better than having to see Dimitri's face in person. 

The door opened. Felix went for his pistol, but it was just some goon. In the years that he had worked there, Felix had only shot someone once and that was a misunderstanding. When he had taken the job, he had expected a lot more action. He was getting lazy. Complacent. 

He still could smell the smoke of a burning Nabatean. He didn't think any amount of time would make that go away. 

"Hey, Boss, when's the next meeting supposed to happen?" The henchman asked. Felix didn't bother knowing the names of the people who were, technically, his co-workers. Black market Demonic Beast parts dealers weren't chummy with one another. 

Oliver snapped to attention. "Soon. We have some good parts from the most recent Beast… One man's suffering is another's success, after all." He laughed. "But you're right. I'll go to the study and wait there." He walked out of the room and Felix followed. Once a star ranger of the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps, now a shadow to a man who made decadence his middle name.

Things had changed over the last five years. Felix didn't care. There wasn't much he cared about anymore. 

#

"Where is he?" Oliver paced back and forth, his martini abandoned on his desk. His massive weight made the wood creak under his steps, though no one else moved a muscle. Felix held back a sigh. "He's never been late before! Should I call? Should we run? Gah, I don't know what to do!" 

They had been waiting for five minutes longer than usual. Felix was getting bored standing there, pistol holstered at his hip and a rifle slung across his back. 

"Boss, maybe you should sit down," one of Oliver's henchmen suggested. 

"No!" Oliver hurled himself across the room to yell at the offender's face up close. "Why would you suggest that? I am perfectly fine—"

The door to his office flew open. Felix felt his stomach drop. 

"Why — Why are you here?" Oliver squawked, reaching for his handkerchief so he could dab his forehead. "I thought I was meeting with—"

"Change of plans," Byleth said. They hadn't changed much. Light mint hair instead of forest green, but the same neutral expression and dark uniform. The last time Byleth's hair had been so pale, they were lying in a hospital bed. Their father had just died. Felix didn't think that was a good sign. 

Other than Byleth, Felix recognized Linhardt by reputation and the one time they had done a run together. Though that was years ago, Linhardt's retirement from active duty alongside his husband had made enough headlines that his face had been everywhere for a week or two. 

Oliver clearly hadn't expected the last Pan Fódlan Defense Corps Marshall to march into his office. The more disconcerting part was that Byleth didn't even look at Oliver. Their eyes were focused on Felix. 

"What — What do you want?" Oliver did his best to regain control of the situation, but it was out of his hands the moment the door opened. 

"Linhardt, please discuss the deal with Oliver. I want a conversation with someone else." 

"What do you want, Byleth?" Felix drawled, crossing his arms. 

"I want to talk." 

"No shit. What do you want to talk about?" Felix would have bet money on Byleth's next words, but he still laughed in disbelief when they actually asked him to come back to the PFDC. "No. There's your answer." He looked at Oliver. "Permission to leave this farce of a meeting." 

Oliver spluttered something that was probably a no, but Felix didn't bother sticking around to confirm it. He pushed his way past Linhardt with more force than necessary, glaring at the space in front of him instead of looking at Byleth. 

He made it to the staircase before Byleth caught up with him. Felix was still heading down the stairs when Byleth called, 

"I know you're angry, but he wouldn't want this." 

It was a low blow and, worse, it worked. Felix spun around, one hand flying to his pistol as if he were actually going to shoot Byleth. The marshall didn't even flinch. 

"Don't you dare talk about him!" Felix spat. 

"Why not? He died. You're alive. Stop grieving. It's been five years." 

"It's been longer than that." 

"No, it hasn't." Byleth stared at him. In a way, Felix admired their ability to stay calm, to never lash out or scream. Sometimes, however, Felix just wanted to poke and prod and push until they finally snapped. Maybe then Felix wouldn't feel like some kind of unhinged madman. "Felix, I need you to come back." 

"No. Let someone else save the world this time. I'm done." Felix didn't move. Byleth watched him. One of his hands rest on his pistol. The other clung to the staircase railing like a lifeline. There were certainly others in the building, but none were stupid enough to interrupt. "I'm tired, Byleth. Get someone else to do it. I don't want to die in a Nabatean." 

Byleth raised an eyebrow. Felix could taste the lies in his mouth. He grit his teeth, flexes his fingers. His words grappled each other until they pushed out of his lungs. 

"Why does it have to be me? Why can't it be — be Dimitri? Or Ingrid? Or anyone else? Why am I the one you need?" 

"Because there is no one else who can do it." Byleth frowned. "I'm sorry, Felix. Neither of us gets what we want." They turned back around. Their footsteps were muffled on the carpet. 

Felix hated this place. It was an old lodge built by a noble a few centuries ago, sold as soon as the Demonic Beasts started to attack as it was uncomfortably close to the breach. Oliver had come in, decorated it to utter decadence, and refused to allow even the smallest of critique against his so-called masterpiece. 

He paid well. That was all Felix had to say that was even somewhat positive about the slug of a man. 

An hour later, Byleth and Linhardt left via helicopter, travelling to the last remaining shatterdome. Felix was with them. 

#

"So this is what we know about the Breach. It is atomic in nature. It has a real structure — It's not just a doorway, it's an actual bridge. Or maybe a tunnel would be more accurate…" Hanneman trailed off. He was brilliant, Felix knew, but the last five years had not been kind to the man. His hair was falling out, his vision was worse, and his office looked like a Demonic Beast had stampeded through it. But Byleth had kept him on, even after Marshall Rhea and Seteth disappeared, so Felix was willing to listen to what he had to say. "Now, we've tried destroying the Breach before."

"Nothing's worked," Felix pointed out. Hanneman snapped his fingers. 

"Exactly!" Hanneman adjusted his monocle. "But I hypothesize two things. First, there will be an increase in Demonic Beast attacks. They've been speeding up. According to my calculations, in just two weeks we should see a double event until Demonic Beasts are coming every two minutes." 

"A double event?" Felix gave Hanneman a deep frown. "Is that—"

"Yes." Hanneman sighed. He wiped at his face, almost knocking his monocle clean off. "Two Demonic Beasts at once." 

"That's not possible." Felix looked at Byleth. "Right?" 

Silence. A clock in the shape of a cat ticked in the corner. Linhardt was taking a nap at his desk. Felix wished he could be asleep. Bergliez was on the opposite side of Fódlan than the one he had holed himself up in. His jet lag was killing him. 

"Okay, so say it is possible. All you're saying is that humanity is doomed." 

"Not quite. Whenever a Demonic Beast comes through, the Breach must stabilize for between a minute and a minute and a half to allow the creature to pass through. I think that, with an increase in activity, the Breach will be forced to remain open long enough for us to drop a thermo-nuclear warhead and collapse the Breach for good." 

The damn clock kept ticking. Felix had no idea how Linhardt could sleep through this. His heart felt like it was racing. He dug his nails into his palms in a desperate attempt to ground himself. 

"Where are you getting something like that?" Felix asked. He glanced at Byleth. "You told me this was a resistance."

"Yes. One month's funding is all we have left. After that, Fódlan will rely on the wall of life." The corners of Byleth's mouth twitched. Felix snorted. 

"That bullshit plan. We'll be dead within a week." 

The wall of life was a joke and everyone knew it. Only politicians in denial about the situation put any stock in the idea that a wall could ever stop a Demonic Beast. Sure, there might not be many Nabateans left, but at least they had stopped the end of the world for almost a decade. 

_An entire decade of service and for what,_ Felix thought. He looked at the dark circles under Byleth's eyes, the way Hanneman kept twitching, the dirt and dust that was gathered in the corners of the room. _A lifetime thrown away towards this and without a single kind word in return. What a joke._

"Where are we getting it?" He repeated. 

"We have our sources." Hanneman tapped his nose. "The Adrestians can get their hands on anything." 

Felix would have to trust him on that. 

"Fine. How do we know this is going to work?" He saw the way Hanneman and Byleth glanced at one another. "You don't," Felix said flatly.

"We don't," Byleth confirmed. On the other side of the room, Linhardt sat up and yawned. The clock kept ticking. Felix resisted the urge to throw something at it. 

He glared at Byleth. Byleth stared back. Hanneman slowly backed away. 

"I am going to go, um, finish some calculations—" 

"Okay. Felix, would you like to see the rest of the Shatterdome?" Byleth asked. Felix let out a deep breath and counted to ten. He nodded. Byleth gave him a faint smile, turned on their heel, and then walked out of the room. 

Felix threw his ponytail over his shoulder and followed. 

"So you want me to pilot a Nabatean into the Breach and drop a nuclear warhead into it," Felix drawled. Byleth glanced back and nodded. "Great. Did you forget how I'm not allowed back in a Nabatean?" 

"I'm the marshall. I make the decisions." Byleth turned away, continuing to walk at a steady pace. They made it to the elevator and stepped on in silence. It shuddered as it started heading down. Felix had heard it before, the sound universal between all Shatterdome elevators. 

"Fine." Felix swallowed. "And what, you have a random Nabatean just hanging around?" 

Byleth hummed. "You will see." The elevator dinged and the doors slowly slid open. "Welcome to the hanger of the last remaining Shatterdome." 

It had been five years since Felix was last in a Shatterdome hanger and it took his breath away just like the first time he, a young recruit with a chip on his shoulder, had stepped inside. 

Despite this being the last vestiges of a once great organization, there was still controlled chaos everywhere he looked. Techs ran around to get to their duties, jeeps carted materials from point a to point b, and support crew ran drills to stay in shape. The first Nabatean they saw was a familiar one by reputation only, but Felix recognized the pilots. 

Ingrid's hair was shorter, Ashe's was longer, and both of them were taller. He was leaning against a stack of metal beams — replacement material for a Nabatean, Felix presumed — while Ingrid paced back and forth. They were both dressed in new drivesuits but that was still Ashe's smile and Ingrid's frown and Felix felt his heart, for the first time in a long time, really beat. 

Byleth strode forward, raising a hand towards the two rangers. 

Ashe noticed them first and stood up straight. He started to greet Byleth with a smile before his eyes went wide. His face flashed through a flurry of emotions, each passing by quicker than the last, but it was Ingrid who reacted to Felix's presence first. 

She ran forward, arms outstretched, her face twisted into a tight grimace. Felix felt his steps stutter, uncertainty gripping him. He hadn't seen her in years, since before Sylvain — 

"Ingrid—" He was cut off when she pulled him close and wrapped him in a tight, rib-crushing hug. 

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I'm so sorry, Felix." Ingrid was shaking. It took Felix a moment to realize she was crying. 

Ashe stood behind her, face settled on a frown. His eyes were watery and Felix recalled many nights spent watching cheesy movies in the Charon Shatterdome. There usually were a few romance movies, the kind with predictable endings and boring characters. Ashe genuinely loved them. Sylvain liked to make fun of them. 

Ingrid leaned back so she could look at Felix. Her face was red and blotchy from her tears. "I thought you were dead," she said. 

Felix opened his mouth to tell her off, but he stopped. His husband had been killed. He had disappeared off the face of Fódlan for five years. He hadn't even thought about trying to reach out to anyone, too focused on putting distance between him and the inevitable strings of fate tying him to a Nabatean. 

Fat lot of good that had done him, in the end. 

"Sorry," he said. 

"Hey," Ashe said, waving. "Byleth told us they were getting someone else. I didn't realize it was you." He bit his bottom lip before shrugging. "Guess they have a way of making anything possible." 

Ingrid sniffed and rubbed at her eyes. Felix gave her a half-hearted shove on the shoulder.

"Hey, stop crying. I'm here, aren't I?" He forced himself to smile like Sylvain would have. "We can finish this the way we were supposed to: together." 

"It's a miracle," Ashe joked. "Felix actually wants to work with others?" He coughed. "I mean… I'm glad you're here." He wasn't just taller, Felix noticed. He actually stood straighter. His eyes were darker. The roots of his hair were brown, not silver. 

Thinking about it, Felix didn't think he even knew that Ashe was a brunette. 

He didn't want to dwell and instead peered up at the Nabatean. _Honorable Knight_ was a sleek war machine, teal and silver and navy paint doing nothing to take away from the sharp edge of her talon-like fingers. The glistening stabilizer wings on her back reminded Felix that—

"She's the only Nabatean to ever fly by design," Ingrid said. Pride shined in her eyes as she looked at her Nabatean. "Rear thrusters, rockets powerful enough to send a person to space, and enough oxygen to last three hours of continuous flight. Also the most lightweight Nabatean to ever roll off the factory floor."

"Any lighter and we'd be buoyant," Ashe drawled. Felix snorted rather than think about how Ashe actually sounded sarcastic. "Have you met the others yet?" 

Byleth shook their head. "You're the first." 

It occurred to Felix, rather belatedly, that there were definitely two rangers he would have to see. He had gotten into a fight with one of them the last time they were in the same room. The other was undoubtedly loyal to the first. 

That was going to be an interesting conversation. Felix hoped Dimitri didn't cry. He hated when Dimitri cried. 

"Felix, did you ever run with _Aegis Nebulium_?" Ingrid asked. 

"Not personally, but they were here when Byleth was injured," Felix recalled. "They're good men — or were." He glanced at Byleth. They nodded. "Okay, so it's _King,_ _Knight_, and _Aegis_. Where do I come in?" Felix glanced around the hanger. If he squinted, he could see Devoted King on the other end. 

Despite his best efforts, he always was good at finding Dimitri. 

He swallowed down a few choice words and instead nodded at Ingrid. She was still teary-eyed, but at least she wasn't actively crying anymore. Felix was glad. He wasn't worth her tears. Besides, he had spilled enough of his own. He wasn't crying over anyone again. 

"You're going to help us," Ingrid said, though, from the glance at Byleth, it was clear she didn't quite know what that meant. 

"It's complicated," Byleth admitted. Felix raised an eyebrow. 

"Do you or do you not have a Nabatean for me?" 

"I do." Byleth started to walk away. They were heading away from _Devoted King_. "You should speak with Dimitri on your own time. I will not force you to do that." 

Felix grimaced. That felt bad. He looked at Ingrid, silently promising to talk later, as he followed Byleth away. 

"I'll talk with Dimitri eventually," Felix mumbled. Byleth raised an eyebrow, barely glancing back so Felix could see their vaguely incredulous look. "I will," he swore. 

"If you do not want to, then I will drop you back off at your security job on the way to the Breach. I need someone who will cooperate with everyone. Not just old friends." 

That felt bad. Felix adjusted his grip on his bag. 

"I'm not the same guy I was five years ago. I'll be fine," he said. "But if you didn't trust me, then why pick me?" 

Byleth didn't even look back. "You know why." 

#

_Aegis Nebulium_ was piloted by Hubert von Vestra, a vampire look-alike, and Ferdinand von Aegir, a dandy. They hadn't changed much since all those years back. If anything, Ferdinand was more ridiculous with his long, flowing hair — and this was coming from Felix, whose hair went past his shoulders when down. But Felix had seen the two in action and the scars on both of their hands and the strain in Ferdinand's smile made it clear that they had seen things. They'd be fine. 

Byleth, true to their word, didn't make Felix talk to Dimitri. In fact, Felix didn't even see Dimitri or Dedue the rest of the day. Instead, he and Byleth ended up in their office. 

It was a far cry from the large and well-organized space they had inhabited back in Charon. This room was maybe half the size, squeezed between a storage closet and a bunch of plumbing. Here, Byleth's desk was an assortment of classified papers and old coffee cups. They had a view of the hanger doors where, Felix, if he squinted, saw one of the doors was wide open to let in a sleek black Nabatean that Felix didn't recognize. 

There were no personal touches. No pictures or fidget toys or anything that Felix had come to associate with Byleth. Not even a Rubik's cube. 

"Things really have changed," Felix said, setting his bag down with a _thud_. "What would Seteth say if he saw your desk like that?" 

"I have had other things on my mind than organization." Byleth walked behind their desk but remained standing. They looked out the window. The afternoon's light was starting to turn into the oranges of sunset, but hadn't quite made that leap. The shadows under their eyes were more pronounced with the dim glow of the ceiling light. "You have a drift partner picked already." 

"Great. When do I meet them?" Felix asked, actually genuine. If he had to drift with a stranger, he'd rather know them sooner rather than later. Then again, could he even drift with a stranger? What if his profile didn't fit anymore? He certainly had, as one would put it, gone through quite a lot since his last time going through the diagnostics. 

Byleth turned around. A moment passed. 

"No. You — You can't be serious." 

"Do you doubt my capability to pilot?" 

Felix shook his head. "That's not it. You — You'll die if you step in a Nabatean." 

"I may. But if I don't, then the rest of the world will." Byleth's lips flickered in a smile. "Besides, there were no other candidates." 

_What? Surely—_ "What is that supposed to mean? Are there no lists of possible candidates at all? Even if you aren't actively recruiting—"

"When taking your previous drift records and compatibility report together, there were two matches in our system. One of them was Sylvain. The other was me." Byleth actually smiled. They turned again to tap on the window. "That is _Fell Star_. She will be our Nabatean." 

"They built a new Nabatean?" Felix had never heard of _Fell Star_ and he knew every Nabatean in the service. "I thought you didn't have a budget." 

"She isn't new. She is adjusted from a previous Nabatean." Byleth reached on their desk and grabbed a set of keys, a uniform, and a manila folder. They threw it all at Felix with a single gesture and he scrambled to snatch everything out of the air. The folder, miraculously, landed in his hand. The keys flew away and landed on the ground somewhere behind Felix. 

A moment passed. Byleth blinked. Felix sighed. He went to get the keys. 

"Is there anything else you want from me?" He said as he bent over to snatch them up. 

"No." Byleth looked at their watch. "Enjoy dinner, Felix." 

Sensing the dismissal, Felix bit back several choice replies and instead marched out of the office. He skipped dinner in favor of finding his room and, once there, threw himself on the bed. 

The ceiling in Bergliez, Felix decided, was the same as the one in Charon. The beds were bigger though. He didn't like it. 

Felix didn't get much sleep that night. 

#

The truth was that Felix was dreadfully out of shape. Oh, he was still athletic and he was still strong, but compared to what he could do back when he was a ranger? Pathetic. And he knew it. 

So, it was with a careful step and narrowed eyes that he slipped through the Shatterdome that night and found the gym. It was empty. Mostly. 

_Just my luck_, Felix thought as he eyed Dimitri from across the room. Dimitri was practicing some martial art — Felix couldn't really see much besides his blond hair glowing in the otherwise dimly lit gym. He didn't want to talk, which would inevitably happen if he stayed. It didn't look like Dimitri had noticed him, so if he left now—

Felix ran into a set of weights and swore as pain ran up his nerves. He heard Dimitri stop and turn around, a question on his lips dying when he saw who it was. 

Silence. Then: 

"Felix? Is it really you?" Dimitri stepped forward. "I… I'm sorry," Dimitri murmured. His voice still echoed. 

Felix was frozen between the urge to run and the urge to fight, but neither were what he really wanted to do. It was odd, truly seeing Dimitri. Certainly his eye loss was broadcast on every news station in Fódlan and the ensuing long hair was the subject of much debate, but to see him in person — was there the opposite of a ghost? 

It was still all too easy to see him as a young man, healthy in body if not in mind. The Pan Fódlan Defense Corps Golden Boy, at least until things had changed for the worse. 

"You must be dead too," Dimitri said. "I'm sorry I failed you… failed Sylvain… failed Glenn…" 

That was a slap to the face — Felix recoiled, taking a step back and stumbling over a fallen weight. Dimitri dashed across the room but even he couldn't catch Felix before he hit the ground, his palms scraping against concrete. 

They were less than a foot apart, Dimitri half extending a hand and half shied away, like he thought Felix was feral. A half-formed comment died in Felix's throat as he took in the circle under Dimitri's remaining eye, the way he favored one leg over the other, and the criss-cross aftershocks of the drivesuits that had embedded themselves in his arms. 

Felix's own asteroid belt of scars had started to fade a few years ago. He was glad, because it meant less to remind him of Sylvain. He was devastated, because it meant less reminding him of Sylvain. 

"I'm still alive, asshole," Felix said. He stood up without Dimitri's help. "I'm not one of your ghosts." 

Dimitri's eye went wide. Somehow, he realized this one not one of his delusions. "But — you've been gone for five years!" 

"Yeah, well, Byleth found me." Or never lost me, he considered, which was perfectly possible. "I'm going to help finish this. No more Demonic Beasts. No more Nabateans. It'll be over. One way or another." 

"One way or another," Dimitri echoed. He dropped his hand, settling into an uneasy stance. "I'm sorry about Sylvain." 

"Thanks." Felix crossed his arms. "What are you doing here?" 

"Couldn't sleep. You?" 

"I'm rusty. Wanted to get back into the swing of things." 

"So you're really going to drift with someone else?" 

Felix debated the merits of telling Dimitri that he would be drifting with Byleth. Surely Dimitri would remember that Byleth was on strict _Do Not Drift_ orders? Then again, Dimitri never had a good memory to begin with… but why tempt fate?

"Apparently. They have a Nabatean for me and everything." Felix saw a glint of gold on Dimitri's finger. 

He suddenly felt self-conscious about his own lack of a ring. After the third time of being asked about his wife, he started wearing it on a chain around his neck. He had the irrational urge to pull it out and show Dimitri that he still had it, but held back by biting his tongue. 

The taste of iron filled his mouth. Whoops. 

"Do the others know you're here?" Dimitri asked. Felix nodded. "When did you arrive?"

"This morning." 

Dimitri grimaced. "Understood." More silence, then a sigh. "I missed you. Dedue even missed you. We thought you were dead." 

"I heard." Felix felt his throat tighten up and he forced himself to breathe. His lungs felt compressed in a way he hadn't experienced since he stopped binding. "Do you want me to apologize?" 

"No. I understand why you ran. Not that it matters. You're back now." 

And that really was the crux of it. Felix was back. Despite all his attempts to run, his best efforts to put as much between him and a Nabatean, he had come back when Byleth asked. 

Except he hadn't run all that far, had he? He still lived in the Demonic Beast altered world. That wasn't something he could escape, but he could have done anything other than become a fucking bodyguard for the worst excuse of a human being he had ever had the misfortune of meeting. 

"Only because Byleth asked me," Felix said, certain he sounded as pathetic as he felt. "Not for you. Not for Ingrid."

"And not for Byleth," Dimitri deduced. 

Felix swallowed. The ring around his neck felt like lead. He nodded. Dimitri grunted. He wiped his forehead with the bottom of his shirt. He cut the sleeves off — or maybe ripped them off. He looked ridiculous. In the past, Felix would have commented on it. Instead, he just looked away. 

"Do you want to spar?" Dimitri gestured to the training mat. "I don't care if you're out of shape. You always could kick my ass." 

Over the last five years, Dimitri had grown even taller. He'd always been freakishly strong, but now he actually looked it. His biceps were probably the size of Felix's thighs. And it wasn't like Felix had been skipping T doses, Dimitri was just…. Like that. 

Felix cracked his knuckles. 

"I won't go easy on you," Felix warned, though there was more than a bit of false bravado in his voice. He rolled his shoulders before tugging the elastic out of his hair. He quickly pulled it back up, hands flying as he placed it in a tight bun. Dimitri smiled. Felix couldn't wait to wipe it off his face. "Staves? Hand-to-hand?" 

"Hand-to-hand. No need to give you even more of an advantage," Dimitri teased. 

"Fine." Felix went to the mats, Dimitri following behind. "First to three points?" 

Dimitri nodded. He stepped across the mat to face Felix directly, circling him to keep him within line of sight. Felix didn't know how much the blindspot affected Dimitri, but it was simple enough to dash towards him with a fist flying through the air. 

Without much issue, Dimitri ducked and went to kick Felix in the side. Felix had to twist out of the way and ended up on the ground. Dimitri piled on top of him, but Felix elbowed him in the face and landed a lucky blow to the jaw. Released, Felix scrambled forward and got back up. 

"You're slower," Dimitri commented. 

"You've finally learnt how to fight dirty. Congratulations," Felix drawled. He flexed his hands before curling them back into fists. "Come on, Blaiddyd. Show me what you've been up to while I've been gone. Prove to me that this wasn't a mistake." 

Dimitri bounced on his feet and launched himself at Felix. Dodge, duck, weave, block — and _ow._ How did a single punch make Felix's teeth rattle in place? 

_Because it's Dimitri, Felix thought._

The next morning, he and Dimitri limped into the canteen. Somehow, it didn't seem like anyone was surprised.

#

Felix answered his door on the third knock, around the same time as Ingrid threatened to have Ashe pick the lock if he didn't answer. 

"I am not going to — hi, Felix!" Ashe said, sheepishly waving at him. Ingrid rolled her eyes. 

"There you are. Are you deaf? Come on." She gestured for him to follow her. He blinked at her and, in lieu of answering, raised a single eyebrow. "It's Friday." 

"So?" 

"It's movie night." Ingrid gave him a softer look that was, in all honesty, more disconcerting than her glare. "We're going to watch something silly. Ferdinand picked." 

"Do we trust his taste? I've seen how that man dresses," Felix drawled, but he was already stepping out of his room. Ashe laughed and reassured him that it had been approved by Byleth. "That only makes me more concerned," Felix admitted. 

Ashe just laughed again. "They didn't pick an indie Adrestian film this time. We won't even need a history lesson before watching." 

Felix rolled his eyes as Ingrid pulled him close, their elbows locked together like they were skipping in a meadow and not in the dirty old Bergliez Shatterdome. Ashe was on Felix's other side, arms also entwined. He didn't bother trying to complain — he knew a hopeless battle when he saw one.

The rec room was oddly similar, yet completely different to the one back in Charon. The walls were a faded blue rather than off-yellow, and there was a chalkboard wall with little doodles and notes scrawled across every free inch. Felix wondered if it was ever erased or if the messages were from people who had moved on — whether through death or quitting. 

Other than that, the chairs were the same shitty plastic chairs and the television was at least a decade old, but there were a few bowls of popcorn and Linhardt had brought a blanket and three pillows. He also was using only one of these things, his husband standing in as a pillow while the three that he brought were co-opted by aforementioned Caspar. 

Ferdinand was chatting Dimitri's ear off, and Felix wasn't a good enough person to interfere. Besides, he was being marched to the middle seats, where Ingrid and Ashe took up next to him as if he were a flight risk. Which, depending on the movie, he definitely was, so he couldn't blame them. 

"Hey! Glad you could join us. You must be Felix?" Caspar waved from where he was sitting. "I'd shake your hand but." He gestured to Linhardt. Felix thought that Linhardt was awake, but it was very difficult to tell. 

"Have you two met before?" Ashe asked. 

"Not really, but I've heard about you." Caspar frowned. "I'm sorry about your partner. I can't… Yeah." He glanced at Linhardt, who might have moved closer than before to Caspar. 

Felix swallowed. "Thanks. He was a good man. He'd be happy that we're finishing this." It was probably the most Felix had spoken about Sylvain since Sylvain died. 

Ingrid cleared her throat. "So, what are we waiting for?" 

"Hubert is grabbing something with Dedue," Caspar explained. 

Ashe cleared his throat. "Grabbing something or killing someone?" 

Felix snorted. Caspar laughed hard enough that Linhardt was almost dislodged from his place. Even Ingrid cracked a smile, which was rare enough even before Dedue got brought up. 

"I think they're getting more food. Benefits of being this close to the farmland — no rationing," Caspar stated. Felix bit his tongue. Working for a crime Lord also meant you ate well, but the others didn't need to know that. 

"Hello!" Ferdinand sat down with a wave and a grin. His hair was pulled back in a long ponytail. Felix didn't often feel self-conscious about his own black locks, but Ferdinand somehow managed to look effortless as he threw a few locks behind one ear. 

Dimitri took a seat behind Ingrid, not making eye contact with Felix. It was better than way, but Felix still felt his hands curl into fists. 

"So what are we watching anyways?" Caspar asked before it could get awkward. Ferdinand began going on about the plot, but starting with the historical context of the film, which didn't bode well for Felix's enjoyment of it. 

He eyed Ingrid, who shrugged. Ashe was eating popcorn while also trying to see how many pieces he could put in Caspar's hair without him noticing. Eventually, Dedue and Hubert returned with snacks and a neutral faced Byleth, who sat next to Ferdinand and instantly began discussing the historical context of the film. Hubert had one arm around Ferdinand's shoulders, the other holding the remote. 

Dedue sat next to Dimitri and didn't glare at Felix the whole time, which was about all Felix could ask. He didn't know how much Dimitri had told him and, at this point, didn't care. 

The movie was okay. It was a dry period piece with a complex murder plot, two competing love interests, and a scene where two fully grown men had an amicable chat while playing a game of chess that was definitely a metaphor for the rest of the film. 

Felix couldn't care less about it. He laughed when Ashe yelped during a jump scare, but he didn't push him away either. He accepted a bit of popcorn when it was handed to him, turned down chocolate, and did his best to follow the plot as it grew more and more complex. 

At some point, Ingrid fell asleep on his shoulder. Felix got Caspar to pass him one of the unused pillows and managed to put that under her head — it was more comfortable than his jacket, he assumed. He glared at Byleth, who smiled before looking back to the movie. 

"What did you think?" Ferdinand asked everyone as it came to a close. He was smiling and didn't look at all offended when Caspar told him that he barely knew what was happening for the majority of the film. "It has a very complex plot. I, personally, do not think you can fully understand it until you've watched it a few times." 

"I think I need a master's in history to understand that," Ashe joked, "I thought it was good though. I'm glad you picked it." 

Ingrid yawned as she sat up, rubbing at her eyes. "Is it over already?" 

"You just missed the plot twist," Dimitri told her. 

"What happened?" 

"It was the guy with the funny moustache." 

Ingrid snapped her fingers. "I knew it!" 

"He had a period accurate moustache," Ferdinand complained. He looked at Felix. "What did you think of the movie?" 

Felix swallowed. "It was okay." He looked at the ground, then at Ferdinand, then back at the floor. "Sylvain would have liked it." 

Something in the air shifted. Ferdinand nodded slowly. 

"He and I only spoke a few times, but he was a good man." 

"Thank you." Felix didn't say that Sylvain thought that Hubert was a vampire, or that they had spent a lot of time in the Charon Shatterdome making fun of the Adrestian rangers. "I find myself also falling asleep. Good night, everyone." 

He headed out, though he allowed Ingrid to hug him and exchanged a single nod with Dimitri. 

"I think he's gotten better," Dimitri said when he thought Felix couldn't hear him anymore. 

"I cannot imagine losing my husband like that… I'd rather die with Hubert than without," Ferdinand declared. 

Felix didn't stick around to hear the rest. 

#

_Fell Star_ was a beautiful Nabatean. Felix and Byleth couldn't actually get in drivesuits and test her out because the strain might actually kill Byleth as soon as they stepped out — and the fact that that was common enough knowledge but no one had successfully argued with them otherwise was truly a testament to that Eisner willpower — but Felix could at least have the grand tour. It was about when Byleth described _Fell Star's_ unique weapon — a chain sword that could extend into individual pieces like a whip — that Felix realized something. 

"Byleth, _Fell Star_ is made from another Nabatean, isn't she?" He asked, fingers running along the drivesuit dock in the center of her conn-pod. 

It was refit with new technology, but here and there he could see where the original seams were or where new paint had covered up old. Where _Fell Star_ was black and mint — quite perfect for Byleth — there were still splashes of… 

"Is this… this was _Crimson Astra_, wasn't it?" 

Byleth nodded. Felix swallowed. He felt… he felt a lot of things. 

He looked over to where Sylvain was plucked out of the Nabatean, where Sylvain had been ripped out of Felix's life like Felix had dreaded for years and years. There was no evidence of that tragedy anymore. The damage had been completely fixed. 

Physically, at least. 

"I got my hands on any Nabatean that had even a hope of turning on. _Astra_ was the only one that had a usable core. Most of her is different, but her head… that is the same." Byleth watched Felix closely. He felt like a lab rat, his every move categorized. "She's better than before. Still has the same core. Can’t easily scrap a nuclear reactor.” 

"Impressive." Felix wanted to cry. Instead, he pulled his hair down and started to redo the ponytail. His fingers acted on impulse, not granting him time to think. "She's a good Nabatean. She'll do." 

It was what Byleth wanted to hear, because they nodded and started to leave. 

When an alarm started to blare, Felix first froze. He caught Byleth's gaze and Byleth shook their head. 

"Why not? We need—"

"I have one drift left," Byleth said, voice low and barely audible over the blaring klaxons. "I need to make it count." 

The two of them ran to LOCCENT together, though there was a bitter taste in Felix's mouth. He could see the crews for the other Nabateans get into gear, could imagine Ingrid and Ashe suiting up alongside Dimitri and Dedue. Were they expecting him to help? Was he letting his friends down once more? 

LOCCENT was a buzz of activity, the center of the hive. Felix could see the digital displays for all three Nabateans. _King_ and _Knight_ were already set up and, as he watched, _Aegis_ went online as well. Alois — because his voice, even heavy with loss and age, was distinct — called out the details on this Demonic Beast. 

"Cornelia is a Cat Four — watch out, we think she has wings," he warned. 

"Not a problem," Ashe reassured him. His voice was a bit warped from the connection. "_Honorable Knight_ is ready to be deployed!" 

"As is _Devoted King_," Dedue added. 

"_Aegis Nebulium_ is ready," Hubert said. 

It was odd, being in LOCCENT while Alois deployed the Nabateans. Felix could picture the way the Conn-Pod swayed, the hum of helicopter blades still penetrating the insulation. He felt his fingers twitch, the urge to get in a Nabatean stronger than it had been in the last five years. 

Another _ping_ showed up on the radar. Alois paled. 

"Heads up, rangers. It's — it's a double event," he said. 

"We'll just have to kick its ass faster!" Ferdinand shouted. His heartbeat spiked — Felix could see the status of all the rangers, from the oxygen levels in their suits to their heart rate and even if they had any injuries. For the most part, they were green. Ashe's left ankle was red and Hubert's hands were orange. Felix didn't like that. 

"What are we looking at?" Ingrid asked.

"Second Demonic Beast is Kronya, also a Cat Four. They're heading… here." 

"What? LOCCENT, repeat," Dimitri said. His voice was lower in a Nabatean than it was in person. 

"Demonic Beasts are currently heading towards Bergliez. All Nabateans, be on guard. _King_, you are to remain back. Do not engage unless necessary." Alois glanced at Byleth, who nodded. "_Knight_ and _Aegis_, you are to try to protect _King_. We need them in one piece to carry the bomb." 

"Understood!" Ashe answered. "We have eyes on Cornelia — she's a big one." 

"_Aegis_ will take her on from the front. _Knight_, you will have time to shoot from afar." Hubert sounded almost bored. Felix had seen tape of his fights, knew what he could do, but he still found himself in the moment not trusting that he could protect the others. 

_Those are my friends_, Felix thought. _I should be out there_. 

Then, even worse: _if I never left, I could still be out there. Or I'd be dead._

"Engaging Cornelia," Ferdinand announced. 

"No visual on Kronya — can we get the copters here?" Ingrid requested. 

"We have your back, Aegis!" Ashe added. 

Felix could hear the sound of Aegis connecting with something — a _thud_ and then the screech of a Demonic Beast came through the microphone, echoing in LOCCENT. 

The hair on the back of Felix's neck stood straight up. His nails were digging into his palms. This just felt wrong. His entire body was on fire, restless and angry. 

LOCCENT also had monitors on the condition of the Nabateans. Felix winced as the entire right side of _Aegis Nebulium_ lit up red. _Honorable Knight_ took to the air, the altitude indicator climbing quickly. 

"Firing rockets," Ingrid shouted. Three _beeps_ echoed in LOCCENT and the corresponding markers on _Knight's _

_"We can finish this," Hubert snarled. _

__

__

"Kronya fast approaching from the south," one of the helicopter pilots warned. 

"Careful, _Aegis,_ your sensors are all over the place," Alois warned. 

There was a _bang_ and then muffled swearing — voices overlapped, both Hubert and Ferdinand spitting out updates while Ingrid brought _Knight_ into the fray. Her Nabatean was fast and soon both of its fists were lighting up orange — damage from punching a Demonic Beast was still damage. From Ferdinand's com came the sound of metal scraping against metal. Felix shivered — he could recognize the sound of metal tearing even in his dreams, because that was where it haunted him the most. 

__

__

Hubert screamed something incomprehensible. His entire suit lit up red and the corresponding side of his Nabatean started to flash. Ingrid screamed as both Ferdinand and Hubert's suits went red and then completely black. 

"_Aegis Nebulium_ is down," Ashe muttered. "We will avenge them." 

"_Honorable Knight_ is engaging both Demonic Beasts, requesting backup if available," Ingrid asked. 

"We need to help them," Dimitri yelled. "I am not standing here while more of my comrades die!" He didn't ask for permission. In a rare moment of emotion, Byleth slammed their fist against the LOCCENT console. 

"Charging in!" Dedue shouted. 

Felix saw as _Devoted King_ started to flash on the screen, then suddenly a bang and a screaming Demonic Beast came through the coms. The entire top of the Conn-Pod lit up orange — _King_ had horns on the top, Felix remembered, and he could picture the metal piercing into a Demonic Beast's hide as their plasma cannons fired. 

"Cornelia is flying — I repeat, Cornelia is flying. All helicopters take evasive maneuvers. _Honorable Knight_ is in pursuit." Ingrid's voice was intermingled with static. Felix couldn't tell if she was desperate or angry — maybe both. 

"Careful, _Knight,_ you're leaking fuel," Alois warned. 

"We got this!" Ashe shouted. Felix forced himself to breathe. He had to trust them. He had to trust them. 

He had to trust them. 

_King_ said less than _Knight_, Felix noticed numbly. Ingrid and Ashe announced every action, kept up a running commentary on they chased Cornelia and fired rockets at her. Most of them missed — even a big target was still a moving target — but they landed a glancing blow to the shoulder and sent Cornelia to the ground. 

Meanwhile, he had no idea how _King_ was doing against Kronya. Every once in a while, parts of the Nabatean lit up in orange or red, sometimes in blinding yellow before going back to green. Dimitri would grit out observations for LOCCENT and _Knight,_ but he and Dedue didn't need to talk to communicate. It made sense — he and Dedue had a solid drift. Ingrid and Ashe's fluctuated between 98% and 100% — more than enough to fight, but not the perfect cohesion that the Pan Fódlan Defense Corps chased for so long. 

Still, there was no missing when Dimitri cried out in pain. 

"Fuck!" He shouted. His monitor flashed his entire body red, then settled on just his head and right arm. "We're pinned — we need backup immediately." 

"LOCCENT, we've lost the right side entirely," Dedue said. 

"We can't shake Cornelia, but we'll be there as soon as we can," Ingrid promised. "It's almost down." 

"Hurry, please," Dedue replied. His tone made Felix's blood go cold. 

_Devoted King_ had multiple alerts flashing on the screen, each going by too fast for Felix to read. Alois was typing commands on the console and also trying to navigate the helicopters to help. Felix glanced at Byleth. They could still suit up, get out there to help — but would they get there in time? Would Byleth be able to get out after? 

When would _late_ turn into _too late_? 

"We got it!" Ingrid shouted. Felix saw that Knight had deployed their shock gauntlets, saw on the radar that Cornelia's _blip_ had disappeared. "We're on our way, Dimitri!" 

The entirety of _King_ was bright red, sensors screaming. Felix was certain that this was how Dimitri died — not at the hands of his own suffering, but crushed to death by a Demonic Beast that Felix should have helped fight. 

Metal tore at metal. The Demonic Beast roared. Dimitri's voice overlapped with Ingrid and Ashe's, a cacophony of final words — 

Then silence, both screens with the Nabatean and drivesuit information went dark. 

"What just happened?" Byleth asked. "Alois, put us back online now." 

"I — I'm trying, but something fried the sensors." Alois frantically tried typing, but the console wasn't answering. 

Felix stepped forward. He could feel something running down his hands — he looked down and saw that he was so tense, his nails were digging into his palms. Blood dripped. LOCCENT was uneasily quiet. There was still a soft beep and tick of the clock, but compared to the chaos just moments before… it was unnatural. None seemed willing to interrupt Alois or Byleth, but all eyes were on the two of them. 

"It — it must have been the shock gauntlets — both of them were vulnerable. Enough of a — a shock could have fried the system," Alois stammered. "It'll take me an hour to reboot the whole system." 

"Byleth, we need to help them," Felix stated. He stepped forward to look at them, to try to tell them without words that this mattered more than some abstract shot at closing the Breach. Byleth's expression was blank and, not for the first time, Felix wished that they would just look concerned _once_ in a lifetime. 

Byleth took the microphone in one hand. "Helicopters, are you able to hear us? What can you see?" 

A moment passed and no one breathed. 

"LOCCENT, this is helicopter bravo-three. We have eyes on the fight." The static hurt Felix's head, the _thrum_ of helicopter blades in the background. "It looks like… I think _Knight_ is down, Marshall." 

Byleth swallowed. Felix wanted to grab the microphone from their hand and scream for an explanation, order the helicopter to land and confirm the situation, but he couldn't. The blood was roaring in his ears. He could barely hear Byleth speak.

"What about _King_? Is the Demonic Beast dead?" 

Another voice answered. "This is helicopter bravo-eight, confirming we have visual on _King_ and Kronya. I repeat, we have visual on _King_ and the Beast." 

"Status report, now," Byleth commanded. 

"_King_ is crippled, but still fighting. Kronya seems badly wounded. Can't get too close and there's too much smoke in the air — hard to see what's going on." The radio suddenly buzzed to life, another pilot joining in. 

"I can see _King_ firing her plasma cannon. The right arm is completely gone. They — it's a hit! They hit the Beast, it's falling. I — I think they might have done it, LOCCENT. I think they killed the Beast. They — they're checking now." The pilot sounded excited, but Felix felt none of that. 

"This is helicopter alpha-four, confirming that the Demonic Beast is down. I repeat, the Beast is down. _King_ has confirmed the kill." 

Byleth sat down in an open chair. Alois thanked the pilot, ordered that teams be sent to see if anyone can be recovered from _Aegis_ or from _Knight._ The technicians were roused into action — even if she lived, Devoted King wouldn't be in fighting shape if anything else were to happen. Felix stood there, staring at Byleth. 

He knew that he should feel something. That relief or anger or exhaustion were all perfectly valid options. But he felt none of them. 

Just another empty pit where his heart used to be. 

# 

Dimitri's arm was saved, but it was shot up. Dedue seemed to have been spared most of the major injuries, though his scars would never fade. It was a miracle of modern medicine that they both made it out of the situation in one piece. 

Ingrid and Ashe along with Hubert and Ferdinand had funerals on back to back days. There weren't enough remains to really bury — their personal items were sent back home but the ceremony at the Shatterdome was all Felix could attend. 

He didn't cry at either. He had no more tears to shed. 

Byleth organized for the two remaining Nabateans to be deployed the following week. They were strapping a thermo-nuclear bomb to _Devoted King's_ back and marching to the Breach. One way or another, this would be finished. 

When Dimitri and Dedue were told that Byleth was Felix's copilot, neither seemed surprised. 

"You'll die if you drift again." Dimitri didn't phrase it as a question. Byleth nodded. "There's no one else?" 

"Anyone else who could is dead," Byleth replied. 

Dimitri looked at Felix. It was still disconcerting to see him with an eyepatch. 

"Do you have any questions about the mission?" Byleth asked. 

"No." Dimitri looked at Dedue. Somehow, Dedue's expression was even more unreadable. He had a litany of scars across his face. Most of them were new. Felix had never felt self-conscious about a lack of marks, but suddenly he felt bare. 

_I was piloting for years before you even got near a Nabatean,_ he thought. Then again, he also left. Dedue hadn't. Felix knew that was the first thing that anyone could think of when they looked at him. Even when he did come back, he hadn't been any good so far, had he? 

"What if you two cannot drift?" Dedue asked. 

"We will," Byleth answered. Felix wished he had that kind of confidence. "I understand it is not ideal. I… wish that things were different. But sometimes the few must be willing to sacrifice it all for the many." 

Felix wondered, briefly, if Ingrid had expected him to ride out in a Nabatean and save her. He wondered if Ashe had ever finished writing the book he had planned out. He wondered if it would even matter. 

Regardless of his thoughts, he kept his mouth shut. 

"If you have no more questions, you are dismissed." Byleth eyed the two injured men. "I want both of you to take care. Listen to your doctors. We need you in as good a condition as possible for next week." 

"Understood." Dimitri stood with great effort, barely managing a salute. It wasn’t clear if the struggle was hesitation or pain or some combination of both. He led the way out. Dedue nodded at Byleth before following close behind. 

Felix remained seated. Byleth raised an eyebrow. Silence. 

"I want to drift," Felix said. "Not with you — I know you can't even test it. But I want to drift alone." When Byleth didn't interrupt, he continued. "It's been too long. I need the practice." 

"What is your real goal?" Byleth wondered, never one to take Felix's lies the way most of the others would. Out of respect, Felix didn't bother lying. 

"The last time I drifted, I still had Sylvain in my head." 

"It's been five years." The _Do you think he's still there_ went unsaid, but was somehow the loudest thing in the room. 

"I know." Felix frowned. “It isn’t you I’m worried about, with the drift. I know you and I’ve done it before, in… in different circumstances.” This was dangerous. It was as close to admitting that they both knew far more than they were letting on, something that never went well for either of them. 

Byleth grimaced. “I have no fear of Sylvain in your head. If you are concerned… I’ll see what I can do.” 

It was all that he could hope for — hope was in short supply, after all. Felix nodded and left. 

He should have expected someone to be waiting for him outside of Byleth’s office. He just didn’t expect it to be Dedue. 

Felix felt every muscle in his body tense. “What do you want?” He asked. He kept his arms by his sides and, with great effort, resolved not to throw the first punch. If it came to that, he wanted the record to be clear. 

“You have no intention of surviving our mission, do you?” Dedue questioned. He didn’t have a single shred of hesitation or shame. Felix didn’t expect him to, but the words still stung. 

“Does it matter?” Felix replied. 

“Yes. I like my life. I want to see the world free from fear.” 

“Get in line, then.” Felix glared at Dedue. All he got in return was stony silence. It was worse than a real reaction, because then Felix could have responded. As it was, he felt like he was banging against a blank wall. “I’m not going to fuck it up. I know it’s been a while since I was in a Nabatean, but I still take this seriously.”

“Do you? What were you doing for five years?” Dedue crossed his arms. A tech turned into the hall, took one look at the two rangers, and turned right back around. 

Felix counted to ten. “I was in security.” 

“Did you even think about coming back? We — We needed all the help we could get.” Dedue released a deep breath. “I have hated you ever since we met.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s mutual.” 

The look Dedue shot him held the threat of another fight. Not feeling up to a scrap, even if Dedue was injured, Felix lowered his shoulders. It almost took more effort than it was worth. 

“Despite what you may think, my feelings towards you had little to do with how you treated Dimitri — at least at first.” Dedue managed to catch Felix’s gaze. Those green eyes bore holes in him. “You are the best ranger the Corps ever produced. Even when Dimitri and I gained a Nabatean, you were on track to break records no one else could have touched. But even then, you were self-centered. Arrogant. You didn’t care about the people. You were doing it for another reason. And you don’t care if we die in the process.”

“I risked my life — Sylvain _died_ to save people. Fuck you,” Felix spat. He pushed past Dedue to walk away. Dedue didn’t stop him, but Felix had barely gotten three feet away when Dedue shouted,

“People? Or just the people worthy of your concern?”

Felix didn’t answer him.

#

A solo drift had a few differences when compared to a real drift. When the only thoughts were your own, sometimes it was easy to get trapped — it could happen with two people, but the drift was like a dance or flying. When there were two minds to navigate the tricky parts, to soar on the updrafts or glide across the shaky chasms, it was easy. But when there was just a single pilot to navigate through the tides, that was when it was tricky. In training, rangers rarely got to experience a real drift up until the final few classes. The simulator was good for the physical parts, for getting used to the feeling of a drivesuit or having to coordinate with someone.

Once you drifted with someone for real, once you achieved that mythical perfect drift, then going in alone would never be the same. 

They called getting caught in the past _chasing the rabit_ — random access brain interest triggers — and it could be deadly. Felix knew this. Byleth knew this. It was why Byleth was overseeing his drift personally. If something went wrong, they could pull him out before he got too deep.

Felix knew that it was why they had insisted on watching over him the last time, five years ago, he had drifted. That time, he wasn’t sure what he wanted to get out of the drift. Maybe just a way to get Sylvain out of his mind, because surely nothing could be worse than having to remember that loss.

Now, Felix had a much clearer goal in mind. 

It was an avalanche, a tsunami rolling over him and filling his lungs with water, pushing him off his feet and sweeping him away into the murky darkness of nothingness. Some people described the drift as blue. Others said it was full of mist or fog. Felix disagreed. The drift was nothingness and everything. With Sylvain, it had been warmth and comfort. An intangible manifestation of the metaphorical concept of home. 

Without him, Felix thought that it felt like death.

He was surrounded by nothing. His feet touched the ground, but if he looked then it was only blackness. Long, sprawling darkness, the kind without a beginning or an end. There was no light, but he could see everything around him. 

“Hello?” He called, as if someone could answer. “Fuck…” Felix shook his head. _Focus, Fraldarius._

Something splashed in the distance, which told Felix two things. One, there was a memory coming up. Two, it was an old memory — he hadn’t been by _water_ in years and years. 

He ran towards it. He didn’t know whether he was going quickly or slowly, didn’t know if he was even making any progress. There was no indication of anything changing until, suddenly, one moment he was in complete darkness and then the next he was on a beach. Seagulls cried in the distance, the sun beat down, and waves rolled against a sandy shore. 

Felix stopped. He saw wavy black hair, a lean torso, and ridiculous neon green swim shorts. The figure turned around and, for the first time in over a decade, Felix saw his brother’s face in person. At least, almost in person. 

“Hey, bean.” Glenn jogged over and, suddenly, Felix was five and being pulled into his brother’s arms, his pigtails flying everywhere. “Finally caught up, huh?”

“Get off me!” Felix squealed, fists flying. Any blows bounced off of Glenn as he cackled. It was absolutely effortless for him to flip Felix upside-down, carrying him towards the water as Felix flailed around. “G-Glenn! Stop, I’m s-scared.” 

There was a terrifying moment when Felix didn’t think that his brother would stop, but then he was being bounced in Glenn’s arms and looking at his brother’s stupid, smug face. Felix sniffed and then, with a deep inhale, began to wail.

“Aw, fuck—” Glenn sat down, craddling Felix in his arms. “Come on, string bean. It’s okay. We’re at the beach, the old man isn’t here, and Sylvain’s gonna get here tomorrow. It’ll be a great summer, promise.”

Felix rubbed at his eyes. He blinked up at Glenn. “Promise?” 

“Yes, I promise.” Glenn squeezed him in a hug. “It’ll be great.” 

The two of them stared out at the sea. The sun was bright, not a cloud in the sky. Faerghus summers were still relatively cold, but the temperature had never stopped any Faerghus native from doing anything. Felix sat still for about five seconds before he started to squirm. Glenn laughed again and released his hold on Felix, letting him go run towards the water. Felix got all the way to the edge of the shoreline, the waves touching the tips of his toes but not going any further in. 

“What’s wrong?” Glenn asked, coming up behind him. 

“It’s cold.” Felix yelped and stumbled back as the water came up higher. He fell into the sand, biting his lip in the process. A bit of blood trickled down. “I don’t wanna go in.”

Glenn sighed. “You can’t get scared by everything new, string bean. Come on, let’s go in together.” He held his hand out. Felix shook his head, fingers digging in the sand. “It’s less scary when you have someone with you.” 

“Don’t wanna.” Felix felt himself tear up again. The tears brimmed at the edges of his eyes, vision blurring. “It’s scary. Wanna go home.”

“We can’t go home, though. We’re here now and we’re going to make the most of it.” Glenn knelt down so they were face to face. “Will you do it if I’m there with you?” 

Felix sniffed. He kept shaking his head, not moving even as the water started to get to his feet again. Glenn held his hand out. 

“Come on, string bean. You can’t cry forever.” 

Felix opened his eyes. The light from the room blinded him and his head spun. He could hear the robotic voice announcing that the drift had ended, asking if they wanted to reset to try again. Byleth was standing at the doorway, arms by their sides. Their expression was… sad, for once.

“Was it worth it?” Byleth asked. Felix nodded. “Good.” A moment passed. “The next time you step into the drift…”

“It’ll be the last time. One way or another,” Felix said. Byleth didn’t look surprised. Then again, how could they? It was the same as what they were planning. 

#

The Demonic Beasts were called Grima and Ashera, both Category Four. They emerged early in the morning and, unlike all other Demonic Beasts, stayed by the Breach. Felix didn’t know what had changed and, frankly, didn’t care. He knew that this was different than all the other times, that there was no point trying to find similarities that didn’t exist. 

“How long are you going to be able to drift?” Felix asked as he was strapped into his drivesuit. There was something strangely calm about getting ready without a Demonic Beast bearing down on a major metropolitan area. Byleth looked very calm for someone who was about to die. 

“The doctors think that I should be capable of drifting for several hours. Once my body begins to break down, you will know.” Byleth’s lips twitched. “If it takes that long.” 

Felix nodded. “Understood.”

Drifting with Byleth was silence. He expected to have trouble, to feel like it was uncomfortable — like swimming in syrup or walking through snow. Each person brought something new to the drift and, together, Byleth and Felix had more than enough memories to make it unpleasant. But it was easy. His eyes closed, a few memories passed through — Byleth learning to read, Byleth fishing with Jeralt, seeing footage of the first Demonic Beast — then it was over. 

“_Fell Star,_ your drift is holding at full capacity. _Devoted King_, you have permission to initiate your drift.” Alois sounded more subdued than usual. He was a decent controller, a better man. Felix knew he’d be fine once this was over. “Rangers Caspar and Linhardt on deck,” Alois announced. 

“All right, folks! Time to blow up the Breach. We all good?” Caspar asked. Because of how internal PFDC politics, without Byleth in LOCCENT it was Caspar who ended up the highest ranked officer. “Your goal is the Breach in the mountains. You’ll have an escort of the helicopters up until the final leg. Once you get there, _Devoted King_ sets the bomb and _Fell Star_ watches her back. It’ll have a thirty mile radius explosion for the real intense stuff, so you’ll want to be outside that before you blow it up. Any questions?” 

“_Devoted King_ is ready.” Dimitri cleared his throat. “Byleth, Felix. We will take point. Follow behind and keep your eyes open.” 

“What, do you think a Demonic Beast will pop out of nowhere?” Felix sighed. “_Fell Star_ is ready.” 

“There should be three of them,” Hanneman said loudly, his voice picked up by the microphone in LOCCENT. “My models all said that the next event would have three!” 

“We can all mourn the inaccuracy of your model once we’re drinking to our success,” Caspar told him. 

The actual walk to the Breach only took an hour, the Nabateans gobbling up mile after mile with each step. As they grew closer, black dots turned into shapes which turned into Demonic Beasts. Felix could see them and, with the HUD, know which was which. Grima resembled a dragon without wings, all wicked horns and sharp teeth. Ashera was a bird, a long beak and too many eyes. Each towered above the treeline, though the Breach itself sat in a valley. The helicopters hovered in the air, no longer following. The Nabateans were alone. 

“We have eyes on target,” Dimitri announced. “They’re just… standing there.” 

Felix squinted, the display zooming in closer. It gave the impression of the Demonic Beasts looking right back. A shiver rolled up his spine and he sighed. 

“Come on. We’re not going to get this done by staring.” He held up one hand. “Plasma cannon!” He shouted. _Star’s_ arm came up and the metal shifted until the bright plasma was visible. “Firing!” 

He and Byleth took the shot together. _Fell Star_ rumbled with the recoil even as the blast traveled through the air. It hit Grima on the side and then it was like all hell was let loose.

Grima screeched and started charging, churning up the ground with little effort. Ashera spread long wings, feathers resembling scales more than anything soft, and flew up and out of view — Nabateans weren’t very good at looking vertically. 

Felix swore even as _Devoted King_ went to intercept Grima with a charge of their own. Plasma cannon still out, _Star_ went to back them up, heading turning as quickly as it could to try to get eyes an Ashera again. 

Grima and King collided in a twist of metal and bone. Grima’s horns dug into their torso even as they tore at Grima’s natural armor. _King_ unsheathed the steel knives in their hands, cutting deep into the Demonic Beast. It screamed but, rather than move away, just ripped at their spine. 

“We’ve got you!” Byleth shouted. _Star_ took another shot and it grazed Grima. The Beast looked up and glared at them. It seemed to maintain eye contact as it bit into _King’s_ shoulder, steel and sparks flying. Dedue’s scream of agony echoed in the coms. 

_Now._

“Chain sword!” Byleth and Felix yelled, their other hand extending. The blade was made of different pieces, capable of wrapping around their foe and cutting deep with a serrated edge like razor wire. They threw it out, let it wrap around one of Grima’s six legs, and then tried to pull it off of _King_.

It might have worked if Ashera didn’t sink its talons into _Star’s_ shoulders. With a single flap of leathery wings, _Star_ was no longer on the ground. Grima was dragged a few yards, just enough for _King_ to punch it in the face, but then Felix had to focus on his own fight. 

“Hiya!” _Star_ lashed out with their sword, skimming Ashera’s side. Demonic Beast blood spilled on them, dripped onto the ground and melted the tops of trees. They both grit their teeth. They were being carried farther away from their target and away from _King_.

“Rangers, this is LOCCENT. We have movement in the Breach.”

“Busy!” Byleth stated even as they took Star’s arm and grabbed onto Ashera’s ankle. They managed to pull hard enough that a loud snap echoed. Then they began to plummet to the ground. 

“Fuck,” Felix swore right before they hit the ground. His spine felt like jelly and his vision blurred. but Byleth recovered faster and brought up their sword to protect them as Ashera lashed out with its beak.

“Another signature is emerging from the Breach,” Alois warned them.

“I knew it!”

“Hanneman, shut up or get out of LOCCENT.” Caspar sighed. “Nothing about the mission changes. Get in there and get out.”

_Star_ punched Ashera in the face. It recoiled, wings flying out in surprise and temporarily leaving itself wide open. They thrust their sword through its chest, a satisfying final _shink_ as it hit bone. The Beast struggled for a moment, took part of the Nabatean’s paint and outer armor off, but died without much fanfare.

“_King,_ what’s your status?” Byleth asked, withdrawing the sword and spinning around. _Star_ groaned in protest, each joint fractured. Felix thought his own body was the same, everything telling him that he was in agony, but he was still conscious enough to help pilot and he was stubborn enough to ignore everything that wasn’t a command to keep moving, keep fighting. 

“Alive. Grima’s a stubborn bitch.” Hearing Dimitri swear was almost more surprising than three Demonic Beasts at a time. “LOCCENT, where’s number three?”

“Demonic Beast is coming your way.” Alois sounded faint.

“What Cat?” Felix asked. _Star_ started to head towards where their radar stated _King_ was fighting Grima. Smoke burnt the air, a long flare of destruction blackening the sky. It felt cruel, in a way, to be fighting like this on such a perfect day. “LOCCENT, what category is it?” Felix snapped.

“Cat Five,” Alois admitted. “Codename Seiros.” 

Byleth and Felix shared a look. 

“Has that happened before?” Felix asked. Byleth shook their head. “Fucking figures. _King,_ we’re on our way. Hold Grima off until we get there.” 

“We have — we have eyes on Seiros. We’re on auxiliary oxygen, our cannons are both shot, and we’re blind in one eye.” Dimitri laughed. “Seiros is definitely a Cat Five.” 

“We’re close. We can — we can help!” Felix knew what he sounded like. He didn’t care. _No one else dies. No one else dies. No one else —_

“Ha!” Dimitri sounded winded. Felix couldn’t see what was happening. _Star_ was practically crawling towards the fight. It was a miracle they could still walk. “Stay back, _Star._ We — We don’t need your help.” His voice wasn’t confident. It was resigned.

Byleth realized before Felix, but they were connected and he filled in the blanks a moment later.

“No! You — You can’t.”

“_Star_ is the last nuclear Nabatean. You can finish the mission. You’ll do just fine.” Dimitri laughed again. “Dedue… I’m sorry that I won’t be taking you on that honeymoon.” 

“It is okay, my love. I will be with you still. That is all I could wish.” 

“_Devoted King,_” Byleth said, “I promise this will not be in vain.” 

The explosion of a thermo-nuclear warhead was strong enough to send _Fell Star_ to her knees, strong enough to make Felix’s head rattle. He saw trees stripped from the land, heard nothing but the sound of the blast as the air itself was pushed away and formed a temporary vacuum before it rushed back. Debris peppered the sky. Felix wasn’t sure if the ringing in his head was something from the coms or just his ears aching. Nothing was free from pain. He could barely stand up straight — he was sagged over in his harness.

Next to him, Byleth looked like death. They breathed heavily, looked up at Felix, and nodded.

The two made it all the way to the edge of the valley above the Breach before Seiros appeared. 

It really was a massive Demonic Beast. It stood at the lip of the valley, spiked tail lashing back and forth. While all the others had a dark coloring, this one was pale and ashen. It opened its mouth, row after row of jagged teeth revealed. There was a crown of horns atop its head and, unlike Grima, it had wings. The wings were full of holes, though, and it was limping. It looked like it was barely clinging to life as it hissed at them. Unfortunately, they were also barely clinging to life. 

_Go._

Instantly, they jumped forward. Seiros’s tail ran them through the stomach, but their sword hit its neck. They were a heavy machine and threw Seiros off its perch and into the valley. Around them, the Breach burned. It opened for them and soon they were falling. 

Seiros roared, tearing at _Star_ with claws and teeth. They narrowed their eyes and their blade began to burn red, then white. The smell of burning flesh was enough to pierce even the air filters of the Nabatean and Felix gagged. Suddenly, Seiros wasn’t fighting to kill, but to escape, but they held on even as each blow felt like a hundred. 

_Fell Star_ tore Seiros in half with their sword. A final bellow was all that escaped Seiros before it went limp. Felix and Byleth both acted quickly, no words necessary. 

“Nuclear reactor core meltdown initiated in sixty seconds.” 

“_Fell Star,_ this is LOCCENT — can you hear me? _Fell Star,_ come in!” Alois wove in and out of Felix’s ears, but he didn’t care. “_Fell Star,_ if you can hear me, you need to get out of there. If you can get into the escape pods, they might have enough shielding to protect you from the blast.” 

Neither Felix nor Byleth moved. 

“You can still survive,” Byleth pointed out. 

“I want another chance. I can do better next time.” 

A moment passed. 

“Thirty… twenty-nine… twenty-eight…”

“And what if there is no next time?” 

“I don’t care. I don’t want to live in a world without him.” Felix swallowed. Byleth, for the first time in a very long time, gave him a bright smile. 

“Twenty… nineteen… eighteen… seventeen…”

“_Fell Star?_ Byleth? Felix? Can you hear me? Can you—”

_Fell Star,_ the last of the Nabateans, exploded. The Breach collapsed under the strain. The world was saved. 

Byleth Eisner and Felix Fraldarius died instantly.

#

The room was cold. Maybe a room was being disingenuous. It was massive, an endless expanse of darkness. The floor was stone. Felix’s footsteps echoed on the dark granite. 

The room was empty. Except for Felix, there was nothing but a tall, dark throne. It sat on top of a set of narrow stairs, looming up in the distance. It glowed faintly. Green, maybe. Like the color of Byleth’s hair. It was empty. Felix wasn’t sure how, but he had the impression that sometimes it wasn’t empty. Sometimes there was a girl who sat there. Sometimes there was no one.

_I have seen the throne of God,_ Felix thought to himself, _and it is empty._

#

Felix woke up with a strangled scream. He felt himself claw at his own throat, felt his lungs burn and his skin break apart under an explosion. He could feel his own heart stop. 

“Fe—” Two strong, warm arms wrapped around him. “Felix, it’s me. It’s your Sylvain.” 

Blurry eyes turned and saw red hair, pale skin, a strong smile that seemed more forced than anything, and two bright eyes that Felix could have recognized even if he were blind. Sylvain looked concerned. And who wouldn’t be, if their lover woke from a peaceful sleep in a fit? 

“What — What day is it?” Felix asked.

“Huh? Why are you — is everything okay?” Sylvain placed a hand on Felix’s forehead frowned when he felt nothing amiss. Felix was hyperventilating. He hated this part. He hated this so much. 

It was the only thing keeping him alive. 

He tried to twist out of Sylvain’s grasp — there was a clock on the bedside, right? Or was that later? Did his phone go by his code or did he finally set it to his thumbprint? What was his code? Where was he? 

“Felix, you’re scaring me,” Sylvain murmured. “Was it a nightmare?” If only Felix could explain it, but he knew that it didn’t work that way. Whenever he did, something happened before they could change things. A freak accident. An explosion. A Demonic Beast tore through the center of the Shatterdome and killed everyone before a single Nabatean could be launched. 

This was a familiar song and dance, one that Felix had been playing for as long as he could remember the careful fear that he felt coming back the first time. There wasn’t much that he held as certainty. Sometimes things were different. He woke up at one point or another. Or they ended differently. Sometimes he died first. Sometimes they died together. 

Oftentimes, Byleth didn’t even know what was going on, looked at him like he was crazy when he confronted them.

The only constant was that Felix loved Sylvain and Sylvain loved Felix. That was a devotion that Felix would carry to his death, carried until he was dead.

“What day is it?” Felix repeated. Sylvain told him. Felix let out a shaky breath. _Four months. Four months before it begins._

“Can you tell me what happened? Do you want to see Mercedes?”

Felix turned towards Sylvain and kissed him. This was his Sylvain. This was his promise.

_This time,_ Felix thought, _I’m bringing everyone home_. 

_"I did my best, it wasn't much  
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch  
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you  
And even though it all went wrong  
I'll stand before the Lord of Song  
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah"_

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [Tumblr!](https://disasterfelixfraldarius.tumblr.com/)


End file.
